My little Punkin is 10 months old today. What joy she brings to my life. I am fascinated by her perspective on things and I love to watch her play with her toys and explore the house at her baby level. She squeals in delight when the dogs come near her; she claps when she sees us approach her with "puffs", her favorite snack; she points to everything in her bathtub book, inquisitive about the object's name; she has an assured determination when attempting new tasks, calmly trying until she is successful; she "speaks" her mind when she is frustrated, shouting loudly when she wants to feed herself, for example. She is a happy and confident baby.

Well, the doctor's office called yesterday with my hcg results. They were 23, a little on the low side. The woman said it could be because I'm just barely pregnant and the most important thing is that the bloodwork from today shows the levels doubling every 48 hours. So I went and had more blood drawn this morning, but we have to wait until Monday to get the results. What a long weekend this will be! I've also been taking progesterone supplements every night at bedtime. It's a suppository, so that's no fun. I have to take it daily until I'm 12 weeks, just as a precaution, since my progesterone levels were actually quite high when they were tested.

Big Sis

Although I won’t post this today, I am so incredibly excited to have learned this morning that we are expecting another baby! I actually went off birth control in December, and after a discussion with my doctor, we felt like it was time to try Clomid. This was my first month taking the medicine. I experienced a lot of side effects, including mood swings, hot flashes, swelling and pain in my ovaries, water retention, and weight gain. Not too fun, so I was so happy it took on the first try!

Mike and I are a little nervous about our financial situation, with the store still being new and the economy still unstable, but ultimately we want Mia to have a sibling, and we want them to be close in age. We think 22 months will be a great age difference – just like Missy and me! The economic and financial situations will be temporary, and our desire to have a child will not be, so we go with what we know is right in our hearts.

I feel so happy and blessed…and a bit scared. I will have to take progesterone supplements to try to keep the pregnancy, and I will go to the doctor every other day to test my hcg levels. Not sure what will happen beyond that. We will just say a lot of prayers and put our faith in God.

Callie's Birth Story

It’s been over five years since the day I first held you, five years since God finally blessed me with the gift that would complete my life: my Callie. I’ve never prayed for anything as much as I prayed for you. I’ve never longed for anything the way I longed for you. And yet it’s taken me over five years to feel like you’re really here, you’re really mine. That’s why I’m just now writing the story of your birth. I felt like I would somehow jinx us, by recognizing you are here and are a permanent part of our lives. But you are so wanted and so loved, and I want to finally share how amazing our lives have been from the moment you came into this world.

I woke up on the morning of April 10, 2013 very excited but very nervous. Very excited because we would finally meet our sweet girl, the baby we had prayed for to complete our family. But I was also very nervous because I was still afraid something would happen to prevent me from finally meeting you. We had many struggles getting you here, and we were so scared to get our hopes up that you would finally be ours.

This was a theme throughout my pregnancy. Early on we were told I would lose you, just as I had been told with Mia but also as I’d been told with many other babies along the way. I was devastated, and spent a week believing I had lost you, just as I did with Mia. But then I went back to the doctor and you were still there, still growing. Every single time I went to the doctor during my pregnancy, I was terrified. Every time I would be overcome with fear until they found your heartbeat. And every time they did I would cry with joy and relief.

I was very sick during my pregnancy with you and it lasted much longer than it did with Mia, over 20 weeks. I would get sick while I was driving. One time I had a plastic bag attached to each ear so I could throw up while I drove! Another time I threw up while Mia was in the backseat. I was so afraid of moving and having a wreck so I just let it go all over my clothes. When we got home I took them off in the garage and threw them away, shoes and all. I would get sick at work. One day I had a meeting with the head neurosurgeon of the practice I managed. I got sick all over my clothes and had to wear scrubs and lay on a couch while meeting with him so I wouldn’t get sick again. It was bad…but I welcomed it. It let me know you were still there and getting strong.

At first we didn’t want to know if you were a boy or a girl, just as we hadn’t found out with Mia. But we were having trouble getting excited. We were so scared of losing you. So we thought that finding out would allow us to finally open our hearts and feel more connected with you. The night before we went to the ultrasound appointment I studied ultrasound pictures online to learn how to tell a boy or a girl from the image. As the ultrasound tech moved the wand over your “parts”, I immediately knew what I was seeing – my baby girl. I was already emotional by the time she said it aloud. Daddy and I cried with happiness. We were so thrilled to have a healthy baby, but we were especially happy to have another sweet girl.

Shortly after that visit, I found myself in Walmart one day. I was shopping for groceries and wandered over into the baby section. I spotted a little onesie with a tutu attached. I knew I wanted to buy it for you and I cried as I put it into my shopping cart. I was finally accepting you were coming to us.

On the morning of your birth, we were late arriving at the hospital! Mia had been extremely excited to be a big sister; she begged us for a sibling as soon as she could talk and she kissed you in my belly and read stories to you all throughout my pregnancy. But the morning of your arrival she decided to revolt. She did not want to get dressed, did not want to wear the “Big Sis” dress I had bought her to match your “Little Sis” onesie. By the time we got to the hospital your grandparents, Aunt Miss and Aunt Ashley were already there!

I quickly said hello to everyone, gave hugs and kisses and went back to get prepped for your birth. I was in the same room as I was when I had Mia. When I got to the room I changed into a gown and they put monitors on my belly to make sure you were doing okay. Daddy changed into a jumpsuit, hat and shoe covers to keep the germs away from us in the operating room.

Mia, your grandparents, and your aunts and uncles all came in to give kisses and to love on you in my belly one last time. Then they walked us to the operating room.

Daddy had to wait outside while they got me ready for your birth. As I sat there, all I kept thinking about was how much I loved you, how I couldn’t wait to see you, hear you and hold you in my arms. I was still so scared something would happen to prevent me from meeting you. The anesthesiologist came in to the room and found me crying. He assumed I was scared about the surgery. He held my hand and reassured me everything would be okay. I cried the entire time they prepared me, wanting so badly to see you and to know you were okay.

Daddy and Dr. Paul came in and they started the surgery. In just a couple of minutes you were out and I got to see your beautiful face. You were red from screaming and crying and you had beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair, our little angel. Daddy and I were so happy to finally meet you that we cried right along with you.

When they finally brought you to me I couldn’t stop kissing you and whispering to you how much I love you. They unwrapped my gown and put you on my chest kangaroo style so you could stay warm and feel comforted and protected. But you were hungry! You screamed and cried the entire hour we were in the operating room while Dr. Paul finished the surgery.

They rolled us down the hallway with you still on my chest and your family all cried as they greeted you. They took me to a recovery room and I immediately started trying to nurse you. I snuggled you and whispered to you over and over how much I loved you. I couldn’t believe you were real and I finally had my precious baby in my arms.

Everyone was as eager to spend time with you as we were so your big family started parading in. I just kept trying to feed you while everyone talked to you and shared in our happiness.

After some time they took you to the nursery to clean you up and took me to a room. I was so exhausted from the surgery and from the emotions of meeting you that I don’t remember much about that first day. I know Emie came to see you, as you were born on her birthday. And Mia was excited to be one of the first people to hold you. She brought you a little stuffed Rapunzel doll that she’d bought especially for your birth day. And I quickly realized that you preferred to be held upright, as opposed to being cradled like Mia preferred. So I snuggled you up on my chest with your head near my heart so you could hear it beating like you did while you were in my belly.

Over the course of my time in the hospital many, many people came to visit. You were so loved and celebrated as you were our little miracle baby. People that I worked with, people I went to school with, and family and friends were all eager to celebrate you.

Mia stayed with Mamaw the night of your birth so Daddy and I could have time alone with you. We just touched you and kissed you and whispered to you how happy we are to have you with us. Daddy was at the hospital with us during the days, but after the first night he went home to be with Mia. Granny and Nana stayed the night at the hospital with us to help me during the night. A photographer came to the hospital to take your first professional pictures and they were gorgeous. You were such a beautiful baby.

Just like with Mia, I struggled to make enough milk to feed you. I was very sad and frustrated, as I’d hoped I had better prepared myself for my experience with you. I tried every technique I’d heard of, used supplements and teas and massages…I just wanted to give you the best nutrition I could. On the day I was supposed to go home I cried to the lactation nurse because I was so disappointed nothing was coming out. Then, just before we left, I began to get some milk. So Granny took me to The Nursing Station on our way home to get a hospital grade pump to allow me to pump some milk. In the end, I still didn’t produce much, but the little I did get made me feel happy, as I was able to provide for you.

Since I knew you were a girl, I was able to decorate your room very pretty for you. Papa painted it a beautiful pink color and we had pink, blue and purple bedding from Pottery Barn in your crib. We also prepared for your arrival with the things we had learned with Mia and were much more relaxed about your schedule, your sleeping arrangements and how to get you to sleep. You had reflux so we put you in a sloped sleeper for the first few months of your life, and we played waterfall noises to help you sleep. You slept in our room for the first month or so as well, and we even put the rocker in our room so you and I could do our routine each night and Daddy and Mia could rest. But Daddy was also there at nights. We took turns feeding you throughout the night, especially once I was no longer breastfeeding you. Your Daddy is the most wonderful father I’ve ever seen, and he wanted to be involved with every aspect of your life right from the start.

I can’t fully explain how I felt the day I brought you home, the depth of emotion that swelled inside of me to finally have you with us. Before your birth, it was as though a crucial part of our lives was missing, and I felt like I was always searching for a lost part of myself. When you were born, my life became complete. You, my Callie Girl, my Calsbury, my Caligator, my Scowlie, fulfill our family and we love you more than anything.

Still remembered, still loved...

I'm not sure why this is important to me, but I wanted to note somewhere the dates of the babies we lost. Those pregnancies and that sad period in my life still weighs heavily on me at times, particularly around Callie's birthday. It's so amazing to me that we actually carried another baby to term. So here are those painful dates. Although I would not trade my Callie for anything in the world, it still hurts that there were other babies who never got to know how much they were wanted or loved.

August 2008
May 2009
November 2009
May 2010
April 2011
July 2011
September 2011
February 2012
April 2012

Callie-gator turns 4!

I can't believe our girl is four years old. It has gone by so quickly. She brings so much love and joy to our family. She is the most thoughtful, kind little girl, telling me many times each day out of the blue how much she loves me. She and Mia are amazing together. They both love each other so much. We went to Florida last week and stayed with Papaw and NanaB and all their friends remarked how well they play together and how much they seem to truly love each other. One of their friends told me that watching them together was actually a life altering experience for her; seeing them reminded her of how much fun she has with her own sisters and she decided to move back home to be closer to them. Just from watching my girls! But they truly are a sight to see, so funny and sweet and kind together.

For Callie's birthday party with her friends, she wanted a "gin-nastics" party. So we had that at KGA. She had a blast. I will likely start her in gymnastics in the fall. She just finished swim lessons in preparation for our Florida trip. It's so funny how different things are from your first child to your second. With Mia I started her in swim when she was just over a year old. We did multiple lessons year after year. With Callie I started her young but she developed a bad ear infection and we actually ended up getting tubes. So she dropped out after lesson one. We tried again and the same thing happened; we got a second set of tubes! So this was our first shot at lessons and I'll tell you what, after six lessons that girl was swimming on her own with her face in the water! I saved myself some big bucks on lessons for her!

I hope to finally finish her birth story soon. I've actually started it and had hoped to get it complete by her birthday, but life got in the way. The good news is that we're always on the go and spending time together as a family so I hope the memories I'm giving her more than make up for my lack of posts here.

Some of my recent Facebook posts:

• Yesterday we spent another beautiful day at the pool, then had dinner on the water. Callie said she didn't like her fish sticks because "they look like they might have real fish in there". She also has a boo boo on her eye where she was whacked by a beach toy. Ice cream made that feel better though.
• Fun day at the beach! Callie doesn't remember previous beach trips so she was super excited to make sand castles.
• Today Mia received the St. Aloysius Award for being a good friend to her classmates, always being willing to help and treating everyone with kindness. She was very surprised and her family was very proud of her. 😊 
• Can't believe this sweet girl will turn 9 on Sunday. But don't think I won't be holding her and rocking her like a baby that night, whether she likes it or not! 
• Callie: London Bridge is falling down, my cheerleader.
• Callie is clearly tired and ready for bed at 6:25. How do I know, you ask? 
  • I don’t LIKE my spaghetti this way! I only like meatballs. You’re making me sad!
  • (Crying dramatically) …and you didn’t even charge my tablet! You KNOW I love my tablet! You’re not very nice to me!
  • (Do you want to go lay in bed and watch Frozen?) NO!! Stop saying that! You’re making me angry! You’re not my family!
  • (Mike asks her if she wants to dance to the music) WHY ARE YOU EVEN SAYING THAT TO ME??? YOU KNOW I CAN’T BOOGIE IN MY CHAIR!!
• Callie drew a picture of me at school today. I was gushing over it...and then she told me it's a picture of me angry with them because they didn't clean their rooms. Not sure if this is a mommy win or a mommy fail.
• Callie has had a lot of questions about God lately, such as, "Why did God make Cara's basketball game so far away?" and "Why can't I give God a hug?" Today's question, "When we were in the airplane going to Disney World I didn't see God. Did he move?" 😊❤️

Time Flies...

I was sitting here reading old posts to Mia, laughing at the silly things she used to say. It makes me sad to know I haven't kept up with this blog for Callie like I used to. Now, most of my thoughts are posted on Facebook...plus I don't have as much time on my hands with two girls as I did with just one. I like to think we're too busy making memories to do much sitting around. Tonight, for example, we're having family game night. We'll play Clue Junior for Callie and Life for Mia. We truly do have fun just the four of us.

Callie is just the sweetest little girl and there is literally not a day that goes by that I feel like my life is now complete having her in it. She fulfilled me and I feel in my heart that I was so determined to have another baby because I somehow knew I was waiting for her. Teresa Caputo says that we go through our "lives" with the same people over and over. Given how I've felt since Callie came to us, I believe that. I feel a connection with my little family that seems to transcend our time together, and we are all more content now that we're four.

This morning on our way to daycare Callie said, "Look Mommy! The clouds are pink! What is it you always say?" I said I wasn't sure...what do I always say? She replied, "Thank you God for making the sky so pretty." I have had a smile on my face all day because of that. She has been very inquisitive about God lately. For example, she asked why God made Cara's basketball game so far away and why she can't give him a hug. A recent conversation: "Mommy, when we were in the airplane going to Disney World I didn't see God. Did he move?" Oh...that girl! Love, love, love.

She still has the cutest lisp and I'm not in any hurry to see it gone. I love her beautiful sing-song voice. She still says lenomade and she calls us "missy" (just like she hears Mamaw saying). She loves to hold up the back of her hand to the side of her mouth, as though she's telling a secret...but she'll talk in a regular tone of voice and it's not necessarily secretive. She LOVES chocolate yogurt covered raisins and will pass up nearly any other "dessert" offered just to get her hands on some of those.

Callie absolutely loves soccer and dance and wants to start gymnastics. I am having a gymnastics party for her 4th birthday to see how she likes it. She loves to watch Bubble Guppies, Dora, Tinkerbell movies...and always Frozen and Beauty and the Beast. She had an amazing time at Disney World when we went in December. She's at the perfect age when everything is magical and I love seeing the world through her eyes.

Callie Girl

I'm sitting here watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with Callie for the fourth time this morning...and it's not even 8 am yet! As soon as one episode is over she starts pleading, "Mickey Mouse! Mickey Mouse! Mickey Mouse!" over and over until I put a new episode on. She's also been giving me a check-up with her Doc McStuffins (aka "Muffins") medicine bag. She walks around with the stethoscope in her ears asking, "your heart?"

She's a very inquisitive girl, just like her sister. Right now she's sticking her fingers into every hole and plug-in on the laptop asking, "Whas sis mommy?" And she loves to read books, count and sing. We wake up to ABCs and Twinkle Twinkle just about every morning. And when I walk in to get her, she is almost always on her back with her legs crossed, reading a book while she sings.

She's scared of the wind and the sun. They've been having a heck of a time with her at school, as she screams and cries every day when they go outside. They try hats and sunglasses, I've taken her to the doctor, but nothing seems to work. I guess it's just a phase, like when Mia was scared of her shadow. It better be, because the sun and wind aren't really factors I can remove! ;-)

She is such an easy girl. She doesn't get into things or put things in her mouth, so we can let her play with Mia or other kids and not have to hover over her. It's fun to sit back and watch her interact. She definitely wants to play with whatever Mia is playing with, be it Barbies or markers or stickers. Fortunately Mia loves playing with her sister and is very encouraging and gentle with her...most of the time. :-)

She loves to close doors, line up cards, organize wipes and carry around crayons in a box. She enjoys doing puzzles and even likes to pretend she can't figure them out (by putting a lion in the horse's spot) and then laughing when she gets them right. She's crazy about the dogs and likes to bend down to their level with her hands on her knees and talk to them like they're babies. She also likes to FaceTime her grandparents. She loves to see herself on video and I have plenty for her to watch. :-)

She's such a joy and I'm so grateful to have that sweet girl.

Callie, 22 months

My funny little baby. How sweet. How loving. How smart.

You talk all the time now, not just words here and there but sentences. We can almost always understand what you want and need now! It's incredible the vocabulary you have. You have always had amazing communication skills. From the time you could take steps, you've grabbed our fingers and walked us to what you needed. But now you use hand gestures, words and objects and we are able to have actually little conversations with you!

It's been far too long since I've written here, so I'll try to recap some events of your last few months:

• Sometime back in the fall you began letting me rock you before bed. Before then, you wanted no part of it, just wanting to head straight to your bed. Now, I get to rock you for a bit first. I kiss on you and whisper sweet things to you and just snuggle with you for as long as I can. Usually after about 10 minutes you're ready for your bed, but those 10 minutes are one of the best parts of my day.
• We had a great Thanksgiving with our families. You played all day with Mia and Mollie, then with Cara and Ramsey at Aunt Pat's. That night after you were asleep, however, you started coughing. When daddy and I went in to check on you, you were having trouble breathing. I handed you to daddy and took off running to the bedroom, quickly throwing on clothes and shoes. I grabbed you from daddy and put you in the car. We went to the Emergency Room and you were given an emergency breathing treatment. You struggled for awhile. Mamaw ended up coming to the house around midnight so daddy could join us at the hospital. They talked about admitting you, but finally around 1 am you started breathing better. You were fine after that, even the next day. It was very scary for us.
• You were scared of "Ca Cause". You saw him several times and never warmed up to him. You had a wonderful Christmas though.
• Your favorite character by far is Minnie Mouse. I'm not sure how it happened. You noticed her and then started talking about her all the time. You have several Minnie Mouse books, several dolls, a Minnie Mouse high chair and potty, and will likely have a Minnie Mouse themed birthday party. Sometimes you walk up to the TV, point and say "Minnie Mouse", so I've recorded several episodes to have on stand-by for you. You also like Elmo, but not nearly as much.
• You LOVE bathtime!!! All of a sudden. You used to absolutely hate it. Now as soon as dinner is over (or "breakfast" as you call every meal) you start saying, "bath, bath, bath, bath..." Once in there you play with your toys, dump water over your head, lay on your belly and put your face in, etc. You especially love when Mia gets in with you. You guys are pure chaos in there together, but you have a blast!
• One of my favorite moments of the holiday season was when we had the Robbins family Christmas at our house. We were playing with Aunt Kelly and Aunt Ashley, putting a ball under our chins. You thought it was so funny! All of a sudden, you hugged me, pulled my mouth to you and kissed me, and said, "I yuv you." Amazing moment in my life.
• The other night you pointed at me and said, "back". So I rolled onto my stomach, expecting you to hop on my back. Instead, you pulled up my shirt and began scratching my back. Then you leaned down and kissed my head. xoxoxo
• We've had terrible weather this week and you girls have been home all week. You played out in the snow for the first time. You and Mia made snow angels, but you spent more time rolled onto your belly, face down, eating the snow. :-)
• You LOVE your grandparents, and if one of their names is mentioned, you automatically say the other's name. Right now the cutest is when I say Granny and you say, "Mumpy."
• You also love to count. You almost always count to 9, and then skip to 11, 12, 13. You count stairs every time you go up and down.
• Mia remains your idol. You are completely in love with your big sister and always want to know where she is and what she's doing. You two love on each other, read together, play together, sing together, laugh together. It's amazing to watch the two of you and the love you share. I hope you have that with each other always.
• You went to Build a Bear with your cousins a couple weeks ago. Aunt Kelly got you all gift cards for Christmas. You got a pink monkey. You are just learning your colors. When I asked you what you wanted to name your pink monkey you replied, "Purple". Purple she is. :-)
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Seven Years Old

My big baby girl is seven. How did that happen already?? It's overwhelming how quickly it goes by. I look at her now, so tall, with her big girl teeth and her sassy little outfits and I think "too fast!" Although I do treasure every day and I reflect every night on the day we've had and appreciate all the little moments, I'm acutely aware that they won't last forever. So I still hold her - a lot! - and carry her and read with her and play games and probably baby her a little too much sometimes. But she's not a baby anymore.

As I typed that I began sobbing. Because I've struggled with Mia this year. A lot. I am suddenly very unsure of myself when it comes to parenting her. She doesn't react to situations like I do. She's sensitive, but doesn't like to be cuddled when she's feeling sensitive. She's stubborn and doesn't listen to reason in those moments. She's very jealous and reassurances don't seem to get through to her. She's very smart and beautiful, but doubts and criticizes herself. She's very silly, but gets self-conscious when other kids laugh at the things she does, thinking they're mocking her. So I worry all the time about how to get her to see herself for the amazing person she is, and how to get her to grow more confident.

The funny thing is that most people would not know she questions herself or doubts herself because she's so outgoing. She's an amazing big sister, so generous and loving with Callie. She's very friendly and loves to make people laugh. She likes to be the center of attention. She loves fashion and isn't afraid to take risks, so she gives off a confident air when she's bold with her choices. She's a great athlete and plays volleyball, soccer, basketball, gymnastics and swims. She even recently attended her first dance camp. She never has trouble interacting with new kids and quickly plays with others in new situations.

Maybe I'm overreacting. Mike says I baby her and am too lenient with her. I just worry about the sensitive side of her and the side that doubts herself. I hate to see that because she is such a smart, funny, sweet girl. I will continue to love her and encourage her and help her develop her strengths and hope that before long she sees in herself the amazing girl we've seen all along.

Happy birthday to my little love, Mia Marie.

September Update

Callie just walked up to me, grabbed me by the hand, and started blowing kisses to Mia (Bia, as she calls her) and saying bye-bye. Then she led me to her room and pointed to her bed. It's only 6:30, but when the girl is tired, she's ready to go!

She's doing so well in her class at school. They say she loves when they talk about animals, and is starting to have more fun outside. Everyone is enamored with her!

She talks up a storm and likes to try to repeat what she hears us say. She says "ay-oh" for hello, "ay-iss" for there it is. She still loves to put her hands out, palms up, for "I don't know". She also makes an O with her mouth when she's excited or surprised. A-DORABLE!!

She's taken a few baths this week and has only cried when I've rinsed her hair. Otherwise she plays with her ducks, fish, blocks and other bath toys, lining them up along the side of the tub and organizing them. She's always very busy. :-)

Mia has been super busy this week as well. She started back up with tumbling and is flipping all around the living room as I type this. She is also doing volleyball, making for a tired girl. But since Callie goes to sleep so early, it's easy to get Mia in bed early as well. I can still fool her a bit with time. ;-)

Beautiful Girls

Oh my little Callie...how you've stolen my heart!!! You are so sweet, so smart and so happy! You are always smiling and rarely cry. How I look forward to your little laughs and kisses each day.

You are getting so big so quickly. At your 15 month check up you were 24 lbs, 8 oz (75th percentile) and 31 in tall (75th percentile). You talk up a storm and know so many words now! You try to repeat words too, so it seems you talk all the time. You love to blow kisses and will do it very fast, saying bye-bye anytime anyone walks out the room. You love to stand at the back door and blow kisses to the doggies as they go out to go to the bathroom.

You are always busy, either coloring, playing with blocks, putting things in drawers or cabinets and taking them out again, "cleaning" with dishtowels, or looking at books. You still love to eat and there is little you don't like.

But you don't like taking a bath. I'm not sure if it's the acoustics in the bathroom or the water itself, but you aren't happy in there. You aren't too keen on the pool either, so I think it may be the water. We are holding off on swim lessons for you for that very reason. We'll try again next year.

You love your daddy and any time the phone rings you come running from the other room, excitedly saying, "Dada" over and over. You kiss the phone when he is on there. You also love talking to your grandparents and are not shy with any of them anymore.

You love your teachers in your new room and they all write long notes about your progress. It's clear they love you and you have stolen their hearts as you have ours. You are starting to snuggle with me more before bedtime at night, which I love. I still lay you down easily but I treasure my moments alone with you.

Your favorite person is still your "sis". You constantly climb on her, lay your head on her, and want to be wherever she is going. Seeing you two together is something I absolutely treasure, and I'm always snapping pictures of the two of you. I couldn't have asked for better gifts in my life than you girls.

My sweet Mia...you are such a big girl now!!! As I type this, you are outside playing in the yard of neighbors I don't know. I'm trying hard not to panic, but I can't believe it's appropriate for you to be doing that already. You are wearing new clothes I got you from Justice...not Gymboree or Children's Place. You are developing quite a sense of style and want to wear big girl, trendy clothes now. So I am allowing you to spread your wings.

You have transitioned easily into first grade. You have done outstanding on your first tests and experiences with homework. I pick you up from school and we do homework together. You then play while I finish working, then we go get Callie. You actually seem to be doing a bit better without Cara in your class. I wondered if that would be a positive or a negative for you, but I think it has allowed you two to focus more on other relationships and academics, and you seem to have more fun (as opposed to fighting) when you do see each other.

You are playing volleyball and doing gymnastics, both of which you really love. You love reading and excel in that area. You still talk of being a fashion designer one day and love to play fashion games on the computer or with stickers and paper dolls. You have a great sense of style.

You are definitely my emotional girl. You get worked up easily over things. But that's always been your nature. I hope to help you better manage that as you get older, so that little things don't upset you so much.

You seem to be focusing much less on boys, which thrills me to no end, and enjoying your girlfriends much more. You sit at an all-girl table at school with GG, Whitney, Olivia, Ella Kate, and Makenzie. As a result, you don't talk much about the boys and seem to be having a better school year.

You still say the funniest things. For example, this week I told you I scheduled an eye exam for you. You replied, "But I don't want to get glasses. They will get in the way of my beauty." Then, 10 minutes later you told me you want to get your lip pierced. I said, "So you don't want glasses because they will get in the way of your beauty, but you want to put a permanent hole in your lip?" Your hilarious, six year-old logic!

I love you girls more than you will ever know...

Mommy

Dear Callie...

 Please don't think for one moment that because I don't write here as often as I did with your sister that I am not as enamored with you as I was with Mia, or that I don't hang on to your every expression or achievement. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am so absolutely smitten with you, to the point where I have to watch Mia's jealousy. She's used to being our only child and the only one who captivated us, so we have to be careful that you girls know we are head over heels for you both equally.

One of the differences in my posting is that blogging simply isn't the "popular" communication format anymore. Now everyone uses Facebook for quick, daily updates to family and friends. I talk about you on there ENDLESSLY! :-)  Also, I was alone more when Mia was a baby. Daddy had his store, so once Mia was in bed I had a lot more time to reflect and write. Now I have two girls to keep me busy and we do so much more as a family. We are always together having fun, so there isn't so much free time to write! I was also less confident as a mother with Mia. I was figuring it all out and to a degree I felt pressure. Aunt Miss and some friends also had babies, so I used my writing to build confidence in my abilities and almost to reaffirm that I was making the best decisions for Mia. Now I'm secure in my skills as a mother and don't need to write about them for confidence.

Regardless, I am so afraid I'm going to forget timelines that you will one day be curious to know. So I'll try to jot down a few thoughts now, before I go pick you girls up from school and the party gets started!

• You had a wonderful first birthday party! All your grandparents, your cousins, aunts and uncles and friends (Macee, Dylan, Grayson) were here. You wore little ruffled pants with "Birthday Girl" on the bottom, an adorable pink dress that Nana got you and a big tulle bow that Mommy made. You ate yummy cupcakes made by Emie, and had so much fun opening your presents. Some of your "big" presents were Hershey stock given to you by Nana and Papa and an heirloom ring that belonged to your great grandmother, Helen, that Mamaw gave to you. Mommy cried when giving that to you. What a special gift. Many of your family members also pitched in for a swing set for you girls, but Mommy and Daddy have since decided to use that money to join the neighborhood pool this summer, to get you girls swimming and socializing.
• By your first birthday you could say mama, dada and "hi dih-dih", which means "hi doggies".
• At nearly 14 months old, you still only have your bottom two teeth. However, I can see your top left front tooth about to poke through any day!
• It sure doesn't stop you from eating though! You have a great appetite and love to try new foods. Mamaw fed you your first Cheeto this weekend and you loved it. Some of your favorite foods are bananas, blueberries, edamame, and waffles. You don't really care for the texture of pasta, and often spit that out. You are also very generous in dropping food to the doggies during each meal. :-)
• You have had one illness after the other! In the past couple months you've had bronchitis, strep, pink eye and numerous ear infections. You got tubes inserted in your first surgery on May 15. Dr. Murphy (who did Mia's tubes) performed the surgery and you did very well. Mommy and Daddy were both with you and stayed with you that afternoon. You definitely seem to hear and walk better since getting them.
• You took your first steps the night before your 1st birthday. You walked about 5 steps between Mommy and Daddy. You love walking to us, and especially to Mia. You get close to us and just fall into our arms, laughing and smiling. We all love you so much and just hug on you and swing you around.
• You moved to the Toddler room at school May 12. You now eat your meals at a table, in bowls with spoons (that you may or may not use). You also nap on a cot and not in a bed. You make artwork and Mommy, Daddy and Mia all go nuts over it. We think you're quite the artist!
• You are walking now, really with confidence just in the past couple days. You still love to come stand in front of us, turn around with your back to us, grab our fingers and start walking. You make us walk you wherever you want to go, and we get a kick out of seeing where you take us.
• You love playing with your kitchen and will occupy yourself for very long periods of time, opening and closing doors and putting items in and out of the cabinets. 
• You and Mia are so wonderful to watch. She adores you and you want to be right next to her. You go fall into her arms for her to hold you, and she can't get enough. She loves to pick you up, play games with you, read to you, etc. The other night when she and Daddy weren't here, you walked me around the house looking for her. When you realized she wasn't here, you started crying, saying, "Meeeee!" over and over. It was so sad to see how much you missed your sissy!
• You can now climb and are giving us a run for our money keeping you out of danger. You like to climb on the couch and try to get over the back. Mia is wonderful in helping us keep an eye on you.
• You can now say "Me" for Mia, "ssssss" for sissy, "bobby" for baby, bye-bye, up, all done, duck, "bok bok" (what the ducks say), and "uf" (what the doggies say). You also point wherever you want to go, so you certainly know your mind!

We are crazy about you, baby girl. I feel blessed every single moment of every single day to be your Mommy.

She knows her name!

It's so adorable!! For the first time, this morning I knew Callie understood I was talking about her when I said her name. It made me so happy!! Her back was to me and I was talking to Mia. Then I said, "Cal-lie" and she turned around and smiled at me. It was so cute!!

Where does the time go??

These past two months have flown by so quickly! On my last post, I noted I was home with the girls on a snow day. That trend has continued as we've had an unusual winter. Last week the girls had two snow days and another early dismissal due to ice. In one week there was a snow day and school was delayed every other day that week due to snow or severely cold temperatures. We've been cooped up a lot this year and if Mia didn't have gymnastics, I think she'd be losing her mind!

Looking back to December, Callie turned 8 months and started eating table food. She gobbled up everything we tried, including edamame, which she loved. She saw Santa Claus twice. She saw him when he visited her classroom. Mommy, Daddy, Nana and Papa came to take pictures of the big event. She also saw him with her sissy at a Christmas party with Nana, Cara and Ramsey. She also became very sick. The night of Mia's Christmas play we ended up in the Emergency Room and she was diagnosed with the flu. Two days later, we were back and added RSV. She was one sick little baby. But she made it through in time to enjoy her first Christmas. I can't even begin to describe how overcome with happiness I was on Christmas morning, as we sat there opening presents with our two beautiful girls. It was a whirlwind of visits, since we had so many places to go, but that didn't mean I wasn't silently giving thanks all day for the blessings of our family.

When she turned 9 months, Callie began using a "big girl" sippy cup at school and at home. She also got her two bottom teeth and began crawling, pulling up and clapping her hands. She always has that big beautiful smile on her face through it all. She's such a happy girl and we can't get enough of her. Other adorable things about Callie:

• She loves to grab onto her diaper when she's being changed. If I don't watch it, she'll grab ahold of the front, yank down then pull up, ripping it off. This seems to happen most often when the diaper is full of poop.
• She hates just laying on her changing table. She likes to roll side to side, put her legs up on the wall, hang her head off the side, or use her feet to push herself backward until her head and neck are hanging off. She thinks these things are hilarious.
• She loves the dogs! She's constantly crawling to them, trying to grab their hair and "pet" (hit) them. The other day she crawled up to Grace and layed across her neck, petting her and squealing. I guess all the squealing was too much for Grace because she stood up and Callie's feet went flying into the air and she flipped right over onto her back. It was so unexpected and funny that Mia and I began laughing, so Callie did too. She always follows her sister's lead. :-)
• As much as she is crazy about her mommy, she's even more enthralled with her daddy. She gets so excited to see him, kicking her legs, squealing and now clapping her hands.
• She is now saying "bye bye," "dada" and "mama." She's also saying "dada" for the dogs.

Mia is doing great in school and in gymnastics. She's reading up a storm and does great with art, writing and math too. We're signing her up for soccer tonight so she'll have that and gymnastics going on. It's difficult for her to walk around the house without incorporating a cartwheel or handstand into her movements.

Snow Day!

Home with my girls today because of snow and ice. I'm working but get to play with them in between emails and calls.

Mia is so wonderful with Callie, playing with her, talking to her and entertaining her. Callie just babbles away at her sister, "Dadadada, mamamamama, bababababa". It's adorable!!! Callie is getting close to crawling, so she is trying her best to climb all over Mia.

Callie is the little light in our world. She is so happy, always smiling, talking and laughing. We are all desperately in love with her. Every struggle we endured was to bring her to us and my God, she is so worth every moment. She is what we waited for and our hearts are so full now that she's here with us.

Some things about Callie:

• She loves to eat. She eats about four containers of food each day and only drinks her milk out of her sippy cup. She also eats yogurt bites and puffs and does well with picking them up. She just still has trouble getting them into her mouth, as she pushes them back into her fist after she grabs them.
• Callie's a very consistent sleeper, unless she's sick or going through a growth spurt. She goes to be right around 7 each night, after her bath and Mommy or Mia reads her a book. She typically wakes up once around 4 or 5, plays and talks for a bit, then goes back to sleep until about 6:30. We all get up at that time for school/work anyway, so it works out perfectly.
• Callie also falls asleep very easily. She rubs her eyes when she's tired, doesn't really want to snuggle much, just arches her back and you know she wants to be put down. I rarely put her down when she's already asleep.
• She's super ticklish on the little fat rolls on her legs. She will squeal and belly laugh if tickled there.
• Callie had her first ear infection last month. She barely made a peep about it, although looking back, we're pretty sure she had it for awhile. We ended up at the doctor because she had a fever and kept tilting her head to the side.
• Callie LOVES her rattles! She will play with rattles more than just about any toy. She loves to shake them and say, "Dadadadadada". She also plays a lot with the little people and toy house at Nana and Papa's. She puts the people on the shelves, then takes them down, then puts them up again. She just may be getting one of those for Christmas!
• That girl is obsessed with jewelry! If she sees a ring, earrings, necklace, etc., she will pick at it and get super excited, kicking her little legs. She knows where my rings are and if I'm close, she's looking for them.
• She saw Santa for the first time last week. She was not afraid at all. She just sat there with Mia, smiling and staring at him. She did try to take some of his beard with her as a souvenir, but otherwise, it went very well.

Some things about Mia:

• Mia is doing very well in school. She's gotten a free dress pass for her reading, and has all As in school so far. Her first report card was excellent. We just need to work on how she writes her letters (for example, sometimes she starts at the bottom when she's supposed to start forming the letter from the top) but otherwise all was well.
• Mia has had some trouble at after school care. She and Cara are getting into it, saying mean things to each other. Missy and I aren't sure if they're just acting like normal kids or if we need to be concerned. We've told them if they can't get along better, they aren't going to be able to play together as much outside of school. Mia has an odd reaction to Cara. All she talks about is wanting to play with Cara, then when she sees her she's cold and/or mean. I don't get it and am not sure what to do about it. She's like that with her daddy too. We'll have to see how this develops. I've kept her home from after school care the last week or so to give it a rest.
• Mia continues to have recurring UTIs. Plan to take her to the doctor to investigate further.
• Mia is learning a lot about religion at school and is very interested in Jesus and his mommy. We say our prayers together each night and I'm going to church with her and her class on Wednesdays. We were all at Dad's the other night for dinner and took a walk to see the Christmas lights. Every time we saw a nativity scene, Mia and Cara would make the sign of the cross and say the dinner prayer. :-)

Callie - Six Months Old

Words can’t begin to express how in love I am with my little Callie. Her infectious smile lights up the whole room, and Mia, her daddy and I can’t get enough of her. Our little baby turned six months old yesterday. I can’t believe how quickly she’s growing up. It’s been a blur, there has been so much going on. I’ve had to travel a lot with my new job, and I feel like each time I come home, she’s even more alert and has changed significantly in just a day or two. • Callie’s now sitting up very well. She loves to play with her “stage” toy, which has a mirror, music and buttons for her to push. She smiles a lot at the pretty baby she sees there. • She’s eating baby food such as carrots, squash, green beans, prunes and mixed vegetables, and tries to take the spoon from me to feed herself during dinner. • She is really doing well picking up objects (particularly her paci) and getting them to her mouth. The other day she picked up her paci with one hand and realized she had picked it up on the side that should go into her mouth. So she switched it to her other hand so she could pop it in. So advanced!! • Callie loves her feet, and they are constantly in her hands. She tries to put them in her mouth but her chubby baby legs won’t let her get them up that high. She isn’t daunted by it though, and just smiles and waves her arms and legs up and down in happiness. • She’s also ticklish under her arms. Her little baby laughs fill the house when I hit the right spot! • She’ll stand for a couple seconds at a time holding onto furniture. She loves her jumparoo, and I think that’s really strengthened her legs. • She’s making many more noises now. It sounds like she’s saying “hi”. But her favorite is still to blow spit bubbles. She does that ALL THE TIME!  • She’s sleeping very well lately, only waking up once at night, around 2. We put her paci back in her mouth and she goes right back to sleep, not waking up again until 6:30 or 7:00. She is such a happy girl, smiling and laughing all the time. She and Mia are nuts about each other. Mia reads to her, plays with her, tickles her, sings to her, and the other day, even played school with her. Callie is captivated by Mia and just hangs on to everything she says. I think Callie may be a Daddy’s girl. She absolutely lights up when she hears Mike’s voice. I am trying not to get my feelings hurt by it. I think about all the years I spent struggling to have her, and everything I put myself through physically and emotionally just to bring her into the world, and I’m just so grateful we have her at all. But Mia was such a Mommy’s girl that it’s noticeable Callie prefers Mike. It’s a new experience for me. Regardless, I am captivated by her, and find myself just staring at her in awe. She is beautiful, healthy and happy, and I just can’t get enough of hugging and loving on her. She’s a blessing to our family and my world now feels complete with her in it.

Callie - Four Months Old

What fun we are having with our little Callie Girl! She is getting so big! At her four month check up she weighed 16 pounds, 8 ounces (95%), and was 26 1/2 inches long (95%). She now sleeps on her side, all laid out in a "C", just like her mommy. She has mastered the art of grabbing her paci and pulling it out of her mouth, which pisses her off to no end! We go in numerous times a night, because that "other, mean baby" keeps taking her paci from her. :-) She has rolled over once that I've seen, and is nearly sitting up on her own. She loves to play in her Jumparoo, this week finally learning how to jump. She is starting to grab anything and everything and pull it into her mouth. Today she starting trying to get her feet in there. I'm sure she'll have it worked out by week's end! We're eating baby food with our evening bottle now. Green beans, carrots and squash have all been hits so far. We're still adding oatmeal cereal to all her bottles to help with the reflux. Callie is the happiest little baby. She lights up when anyone talks to her. The only time she really cries is if she's hungry or tired. Or sick. This weekend she's had a low grade fever so when the Tylenol wears off, she gets a little grumpy. Otherwise she's laughing and smiling all the time. I took advantage of her not feeling well to stay home with her and snuggle. I let her sleep in my arms, whispering sweet mommy love to her. I also sang my favorite Callie song to her, "Wagon Wheel" by Darius Rucker. She always calms down when I sing that song! She loves playing with Mia. Today we were giving her airplane rides on my legs while Mia gave her kisses. Yesterday Mia played library with Callie, letting her pick out four books to take home. :-) They are so precious together and I whisper to Callie all the time that she was worth every moment of struggle I ever had to get her here. She and Mia are the most amazing gifts I've ever gotten. I just can't say that enough. I'm crazy about those girls.

My greatest joy is being their mother...

I sit here today feeling overwhelmed by my blessings. I have a new job I enjoy and that allows me more free time to devote to my family. My family and friends are healthy and happy. I have an amazing husband. He is a true partner, encouraging me to realize my dreams, while supporting our family with his presence and involvement in a way many men still don't. I love him more today than I ever have. And I have two healthy, sweet, funny, beautiful girls. I am overcome with emotion at the depth of my love for them. Knowing I brought these two amazing creatures into this world is my greatest joy. The other day I heard Christina Perri's "A Thousand Years" and I cried as I listened to the lyrics. Although they are meant to describe a romantic love, they describe how I feel about my girls. As a child, teen, and young adult I had trouble picturing my life, what I wanted to do, where I wanted to end up, and whether I would end up married or single. The only thing I've ever know for certain from the time I could form the thoughts is that I wanted to be a mother and I wanted little girls. So in my heart, I have spent all my life waiting for them. All along I believed I would find them. I have loved these girls for a thousand years, and I will love them for a thousand more. There is so much I hope for them in life. I am graduating tomorrow with my MBA. I absolutely struggled to finish my education while enduring miscarriages, working full time, caring for Mia, being pregnant with Callie and finishing while she was just weeks old. I did that for them, so they will know the tremendous value in education. It will open doors and create paths for them that never will appear otherwise. I want them to know that even if they are unsure where to head or where they want to end up, they will find answers simply by getting their education. They will learn so much about their strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes, and they will have a piece of paper afterward that will grant them more respect and possibilities than without it. If they are uncertain what they want to be, I believe you can't go wrong with a business degree. After all, any job they could possibly perform will in some way be a business. Those skills will be valuable anywhere life takes them. I want my girls to be sure of themselves. Mia already demonstrates high intelligence, wit, kindness, spirit and leadership skills. I will do everything I can to help her use those skills to her advantage and for the good of others. She has the support and encouragement of a loving, extended family who believe in her, and she should listen to their advice and use it to guide her. She's a bit boy crazy right now, so I hope she learns to reign that in and focus on strengthening herself and her female relationships. I hope she develops interests and skills because they are what she enjoys, not because they are what others are doing or what she thinks others would like her to do. I hope she stays silly. That girl can make me belly laugh in ways I never imagined a child could. She is old enough now to get my silly side and sometimes it's like we have our own little comedy show together. My sweet Callie will be four months old tomorrow. She's beautiful and smiley. I hope she continues to find joy in things like smiles and tickles. She adores her sister and her sister adores her. I pray they will maintain this beautiful love and friendship throughout their lives. The love of my sister is the very reason I wanted two girls. They will always have one another. I hope they can follow our example and also develop a strong network of girlfriends. Not mean girls, who judge and criticize others, but good-hearted, funny girls who value kindness and generosity. I hope my girls are able to find lasting friends like we have, who become their extended family. I also hope Callie doesn't feel like she has to stand in her sister's shadow. She is her own person and will have her own strengths and talents. I can't wait to see where her interests lie, where she finds joy and happiness. Sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me, and I worry something will come along and take away all these blessings in my life. I spend my prayers now thanking God for the life he has given us, and praying that we will always have one another. We worked so hard for many years to get this family. It's so precious to me and I will never take it for granted.

Callie Girl - 3 Months Old

Oh, my little Callie Girl. How in love with you I am! You light up my world with your sweet smiles and your infectious giggles. Your dad and I are so smitten with you. We sit and just look at you, marveling in our little miracle. And your sister...well she can't get enough of you! She reads to you, sings to you and last weekend had a fashion show with you. She brushed your quarter-inch hair and put you in a tiara and bracelet. You just let her dress you up, grinning the whole time! You are getting so big so quickly. I know I don't post here nearly like I did when Mia was a baby. It is partly due to having two children that need my attention. There aren't very many free moments with a three month old and a five year old. I have also just started a new job last week and leaving my former job to transition to this one has been challenging. I was in Las Vegas last week and am typing this from Chicago. When I'm home I want to interact with my girls, not just write about you. But also I was much less confident in my decisions as a mother when Mia was a baby, and I wrote to work through my insecurities. Now I'm confident and more relaxed and just simply enjoying your babyhood even more than I did with Mia. You've had a rough couple of weeks that have challenged my heart though. Two weeks ago on Sunday you spiked a fever of 101.3. I called the pediatrician and they told me to take you the emergency room. With Mia, that temperature wouldn't have necessarily caused much alarm, so daddy stayed home with Mia. But apparently that level of fever in a child less than three months is a big deal. Quickly after our arrival a catheter was inserted to draw urine, an IV was inserted to draw blood and administer medicine if needed and a chest x-ray was taken. I was soon in a state of panic, over what may be wrong with you and over the level of pain you were experiencing from these procedures. You were too small to get anesthesia and I was desperate to find out what was going on and to eliminate the need for so much pain. After the chest x-ray your daddy arrived and I held you for hours as test after test came back negative. But you were still fussy and still had the fever, and the NP decided she wanted to do a spinal tap to test for meningitis. What a horrible decision that was for us to make. I had just had an epidural for my c-section with you. I was terrified of a physician inserting a needle into my own spine. To do that into the spine of a screaming, wiggly baby was beyond my comprehension. But I read up on your symptoms while we sat there, and you were definitlely exhibiting enough of them to cause concern. Meningitis can kill babies quickly, so we knew we must find out to keep you safe. We waited in the lobby while you had the procedure. Granny showed up while we were out there, midnight by that point. I cried and cried in fear for you, but hours later the tests came back negative again. We went home and by the next day your fever was down. Then on Wednesday I was at a going away party with my work friends when I received a call from daddy that he had been in a wreck with you and Mia in the car. All he kept saying was for me to get there and that he "thought" you were okay. My friend Beth drove me to daycare in rush hour traffic while I sat there in panic, wondering if you were all really okay. When we pulled up, we saw daddy's car and it was obviously totaled. It had been a stormy afternoon and a woman decided to pass in the median. She crashed right into the front driver side as daddy pulled out of the daycare parking lot. Daddy appeared to be okay, and when I went into daycare you girls appeared to be okay as well. However we knew we needed you all to be checked out at the hospital to be certain. So papaw took daddy to the adult hospital, and mommy, granny and grumpy took you girls to the children's hospital. Daddy had a sore back and some burns from the airbag. You girls had a couple of bruises from your seatbelts. After x-rays determined you were okay, we took you home. I've never seen your daddy so shaken up and he cried when he walked into your hospital room. In fact, many tears were shed by mommy and daddy in the days after that accident. You girls are the most precious gifts we've ever received. We love you both with all our hearts and souls, and would easily give our lives to keep you both safe and healthy. It's hard to know what that feels like until you are a parent. But always know we love you more than anything. In the past week you have started to giggle. You love when I kiss and "munch" on your belly and your big, hearty laughs make me laugh out loud with you! Two days ago you started reaching for toys. You love to sit in your swing and reach for the little dangling toys that hang from it. You are also really pulling your head up a lot to look around you, and you no longer need to be swaddled at night. You're sleeping through the night in your sleep sack. We still have you in the elevated sleep sling instead of your crib. Until your reflux stops I want you elevated. But otherwise you are one happy, content little girl. And you have your mommy's heart in your hands!