Femara

The Femara did not work for me at all. I did a double dose and endured hot flashes, intense anger and bloating, but it never induced ovulation. The doc said my lining looked very good with the use of the estrogen patch, however, so he suggested we go back to Clomid, as two of the pregnancies came from using that. He’ll give me the max dosage and I’ll use the estrogen patch, progesterone, baby aspirin, etc. I asked if he ever recommended using the Follistim in conjunction with the Clomid, since I still have some and it’s just sitting in the fridge. He said he was glad I brought that up because it may work very well for me in a combo like that. So we’ll try that next. It’s wearing me out mentally. I just want to be past this stage in our lives. I want our family to be complete so we can move on.

Still trying...

Memorial Day weekend, I got a positive pregnancy test. I was immediately brought in for bloodwork and before I could even get excited about the possibility of a pregnancy, they told me I would not sustain it. I was extremely disappointed, even though we had not used any fertility medicine last month. The thought that I'm able to make a baby, just not keep it, was yet another blow. Last week we started the Femara. The doctor does not sound particularly hopeful that this will work for us, but it is a better option than trying on our own, and will at least allow us to do something right now. We just keep plugging away...

Mobile Uploads

As I've mentioned, we can't find the cord to our camera, so we've been unable to download our Mia pics for the past couple months. Here are a few shots I took with my phone over the weekend of Mia's second haircut, her eating ketchup straight from her fingers (that's Mama's girl!) and of her watching cartoons this morning.

Weekend Update

There have been many times over Mia’s lifetime that I’ve looked at her and found myself choking back sobs, typically when she gives me a sweet smile or tells me she loves me. Sometimes it’s just how she nestles up against me, or says, “Hold you Mommy”. Those times make me realize how greatly and completely I love her, and the emotion overtakes me with such force that I nearly cry. The older she gets, the more often it seems to happen, I guess because she’s able to express herself more now. When she wraps her arms around me and says, “I wuv YOU!”, when she pats my cheeks and gives me a kiss, when she spells "M-I-A, Mia!! M-I-A, Mommy!!" or when she just wants to snuggle in my lap, the way my heart swells for her can take my breath away. I never could have imagined the depth of my love for her, and I’m so blessed to have her in my life.

We had such a fun weekend together. Friday night we had girls night. She sat in my lap while we ate dinner, then we made Jiffy Pop popcorn and snuggled on the couch, eating it while we watched Shrek. Saturday morning Margo, Grant and Macee came over. The girls played for awhile, then we went to our neighborhood yard sale. Mia found something to play with at nearly every house. We came home with a new “Buzz Buzz”, her first piggy bank, and a seat to pull her on our bikes.

After the yard sale we got Mia’s second haircut. She was so good! She sat still the whole time (I fed her goldfish to keep her occupied) and now she has an adorable little inverted bob haircut, just like her mommy! Afterward we all got lunch, then she went to Granny and Grumpy’s to spend the night.

Yesterday Mike and I blew up her gigantic “baby” pool. We put it on the deck and Jaime and Chloe came over and played for awhile. Mia idolizes Chloe so that made her day. Later, Mommy and Daddy got in with Mia and we played with her dolls.

Last night there were more storms. The lightening and thunder were non-stop and Mia was terrified. I have never seen her shake with fear like that before. However, in the midst of her fear she didn’t want to hide under the covers or cling to us, she wanted us to open the door so she could see the lightening and hear the thunder up close. On one hand it was awful to see her so scared that she trembled, but it was amazing to see how brave she was, facing her fears like that! I have no idea if that’s an early indication of that particular character trait or not, but if it is, I’m in awe of that girl. She’s always been persistent, even as a baby, not giving up when she gets frustrated and continually tackling problems from new angles until she solves them. If she is also the type of girl who will face her fears head-on…well, my mind is just spinning with possibilities of the type of amazing and adventurous life my little girl could create for herself!

Mia, two years and three months

Every day Mia steals a bigger piece of my heart. Just when I think she has it all, she does something so endearing, I can feel my love for her grow even larger. She is just so sweet, so funny, and so smart. I'm always saying to her, "Mommy loves a silly girl" or "Mommy loves a smart girl" to encourage those behaviors in her. Some Mia moments from the past couple weeks:

• She is all about her big girl underwear these days. Although we don't have many accidents, we still use diapers at nap time and for bed, and Mia does not like it. She does not want to wear her diaper anymore. She's big now. So we've compromised by putting her underwear over top of her diapers, and this makes her happy.
• Bedtime has become a circus. I attribute it to her awareness that it's still light outside, because she has always done well with her routine until this past month or so. We still do her bath, brush her teeth and dry her hair, read two books and rock a little. But now, once I put her in her bed, it still may be almost an hour before she falls asleep. At first she was hollering for us the entire time, but now she's starting to understand that she can read in bed or play for awhile until she winds down. I know what you're thinking: move her bedtime to later. Well, we tried that, and it still took an hour or even an hour and a half for her to wind down. So we'll keep plugging away at it.
• While the potty training is going well, we've had some "trying" moments. The few times she has had an accident, she freaked out and didn't want us to change her. I've tried to reassure her that she doesn't need to be embarrassed, that it's okay, that we'll make it there next time, etc. but she screams, flails around, and is basically hysterical for like 20 minutes or so. It's awful because we have to clean her up, so we're wrestling with a hysterical child, trying to get poopy and pee-pee covered clothes off her. One time I was trying to clean the poop off her and she stuck both of her hands in her butt crack, screaming at me to leave her alone. So then she escapes me and takes off running, her poo-covered hands causing mass destruction in their wake. I really don't know what to do in those situations.
• Two other times she has peed on purpose. On Memorial Day we were outside playing at Aunt Pat's and I noticed she was holding herself. I took her to the potty and she freaked out, I guess because I interrupted her playing. I put her on the potty but she arched her back, pushed herself off the toilet, and screamed over and over. I finally gave up and went to get a diaper. When I walked back in she was standing on the bath mat, peeing. I told her that was bad, that we didn't pee on bath mats, only on potties. I try not to associate potty training with punishment, but that was deliberate. The next night she did something similar, taking off her diaper in her bed and peeing on her sheet, blanket and pillow because she didn't want to go to bed. What do I do there?? I actually didn't say anything, I was so furious. I just got her out, changed her and cleaned her up, put her back in bed and left.
• Most of the time though, she is very funny and often has me in deep belly laughs. She answers her play telephone, very rapidly saying, "This is Mia Robbins. Can't talk right now, I'm eating dinner. Talk to you later. Okay? Bye bye. This is Mia Robbins."
• She makes up her own songs to the tune of Frere Jacques. There is "I like Cheerios", "I have crayons", and my favorite, "I love Mommy".
• She remembers who gave her which outfits. So as I put on her clothes in the morning she may say, "Baby Macee gave me this shirt" or "This was Chloe's".
• Mia is really into characters right now. We didn't let her watch much TV before she was two, so she's just now getting into movies and TV characters. She loves Shrek, Ariel, Woody and "Buzz Buzz", and her FAVORITE is Jake Sully from Avatar. No, she hasn't seen the whole movie, but enough that she loves Jake Sully.
• She is still very into her babies, and is always carrying one around with her. Last night I went in to check on her after she was in bed and she had spread out a small receiving blanket and was laying Elmo on it. She wrapped him up, pulled him to her and started shushing him really softly. Then she handed him to me and said, "Hold Elmo Mommy, he's crying." So I held him to me and she starts using this really soothing voice, "It's okay Elmo. Mommy hold you. Here, have a bottle" and she put her sippy cup up to his mouth. Oh, she is adorable.
• She continues to be a little fish in the water. She can swim all the way across the pool and back using her cube, and is doing really well with her seated diving. She scares me because she goes under whether we're looking directly at her or not. I can look away for a fraction of a second and I hear her say "1, 2, 3 go!" and she pushes herself under, looking up at me with a big toothy grin from underwater. I've had nightmares that she drowns with a big smile on her face. She's so fearless!
• Mia is afraid of thunder and lightening, and woke up to the storms this morning. When storms are around, she only wants her daddy to soothe her. Mike slept with her on the couch for a few hours this morning. When they got up, Mia crept into my bedroom. She walked over to the bed and said in her little high-pitched voice, "C'mon Mommy. Get up. Hold my hand. C'mon, let's get up" and she took her little hand in mine and led me to her little breakfast table and chairs. We sat there together and had breakfast and watched Mickey Mouse.