Roller Coaster...of love

This week has been a horrible roller coaster, but the thrill at the end was definitely worth waiting for. My friend's sister works in my OB office. Brittany knew how upset I was on Monday and pulled my chart. She noticed that on my exam, my cervix was still closed. She also knew from talking to my friend that my bleeding hadn't increased. So she took my ultrasounds to her doctor. Dr. Paul reviewed them and agreed with Brittany. She told Brittany to have me come in for bloodwork.

I did some research myself and found out that when someone has irregular periods, say every 46 days, it isn't abnormal for them to ovulate very late as I did. In fact, my baby should have been at exactly 5 weeks on Monday. So Mike and I began to hope.

They did labs on Wednesday and again this morning and wouldn't you know, they doubled, just as a normal pregnancy would. Ironically I also vomited in my car in the parking garage of the office - and I never vomit (unless alcohol is involved, of course!). So now I have morning sickness and my pregnancy - at least for now - is normal. The spotting is still here, but they said some women just do that. Unless it gets heavy, it is okay.

So thank you for all your prayers, because I KNOW that is what made the difference. I feel so blessed and I just can't thank you all enough for your support.

Update

The doctor believes I will likely miscarry. She said I probably have a blighted ovum, but I will have to wait until my July 10 appointment to confirm. We will only be able to tell once we compare today's ultrasound with that one to see if an embryo has grown within the sac or not. Unless I have an obvious miscarriage before then, that is.

I've continued to spot and she thinks it's just a matter of time before the baby passes. However, the actual miscarriage could take place weeks from now. I am just sick thinking about it and Mike and I are so very sad. Please keep us in your prayers, and thank you for all your kind words.

Sad news

We went to the doctor this morning and had an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed a 5 week sac, but no baby. The fact that there is no visible baby with a 5 week sac isn't unusual, because a 5 week baby isn't usually visible. The unusual thing is that all this time I've assumed - based on a last period of May 6 - that I'm a lot further along than 5 weeks. So either our baby stopped growing and will eventually abort, or I ovulated really late and am just not that far along. When I got home I looked up my online period calendar again and found out I've been very off in my calculations. My last period was actually April 29, which would put me in my 9th week. So that makes it even less likely that our baby would be only 5 weeks. It is more likely that it has stopped growing and I will miscarry.

When I left the doctor's office, she said there is a 50/50 chance of a miscarriage. My bleeding is dark, so it's old and not new. That was good news and was a positive to focus on. But I haven't spoken to her since I discovered the big difference in menstrual cycle dates. I'll keep you posted.

Bored

I started spotting again yesterday, only this time there was substance to it. I called the doctor and she said they need to get me in on Monday. Until I'm seen, I'm restricted to minimal activity. I've been laying on the couch since yesterday afternoon. I'm bored already.

Stuff

• Still don't "feel" pregnant. I do think my belly is a tad bigger, but no other major signs today.
  
• The spotting stopped. I'm very grateful.
  
• Mike and I went to Ernesto's for dinner tonight and tried to relieve some of the stress over moving, vacations and baby. I think it worked.
• I realized we don't have any pictures of our first babies on here, so I have added their pretty faces.
  

Will it all be okay?

I had some very light spotting last night, and it has continued today. All the pregnancy pros say it's no big deal, that it happens in many pregnancies. But to me, it's a big deal. It's a very big deal. I'm scared. I haven't really had any symptoms of pregnancy, no puking while I'm brushing my teeth, no pain as the shower water hits my breasts. I've only experienced minor nausea, extreme thirst and occasional tingling in my breasts. So when I see blood, it dashes my hopes and makes me doubt the results of those three tests. What if there really isn't a baby inside of me? Or what if there is, but something is going on that will make me lose it? I've not had caffeine, lunch meat, tuna, or alcohol since I found out. I'm doing my best to get enough rest, take my vitamins, eat salads and fruit. But what if there's something else that I don't know about? What if I'm doing something wrong without even realizing it?

I'm doing my best to keep the anxiety under control, but I just want to be a mommy so bad. I hope everything is okay.

Shhhhh...

Don't tell Daddy, but the Bean ate an entire footlong meatball sub last night!

Close calls!

So, let me just tell you about the last 24 hours. Mike is out of town for work. They sprung on him Monday afternoon that he'd leave for Nashville on Tuesday morning. He would be back anytime between Wednesday and Friday (probably depending on how much fun he and Jimmi were having!)

Last night the dogs and I hung out and I finally fell asleep about 11. I cuddled on the couch with the girls because I sometimes do that when Mike isn't home. At about 1:00 a.m. I awoke to Reese growling and barking. I looked up to see her with her head stuck through the blinds, looking out the living room window. She's never done this, so I jumped up and looked out. I saw a car parked in front of our house, one that I did not recognize. I continued looking out, not seeing or hearing anything. I went around looking out all the windows, but still didn't find anyone breaking and entering. I laid back down on the couch, wide awake for about an hour, but I eventually fell asleep. Reese continued to stand guard at the window.

At about 3:30 a.m. I awoke with a start. Reese was standing at the top of the basement stairs, barking furiously. I have never seen her do that and it terrified me. I was afraid to get up, so I grabbed my cell phone and waited to hear some sound that would justify calling the police. The sound never came. I eventually got the courage to move and I went to the window again. The car was now gone. I laid back down, but didn't sleep again until after 5:00. Of course at that point I had nightmares that someone was in the house and awoke terrified. I was so happy to see the sun come up.

I called Mike this morning and told him what happened. He was very alarmed. Reese never behaves like that, so Mike told me to go to Home Depot after work and pick up some motion detectors with alarms for the basement. I also talked to my boss at work and he said I should check all the exterior windows and doors for signs of trespassing before going in tonight. And of course they both said I should not have hesitated like I did. I should have called the police.

Well, when I got home I had another distraction. After doing my exterior check and finding no sign of any trespassing, I entered the house to a metallic type smell. I wandered around looking for the source but had trouble locating it. I did notice that Mike's coral reef tank wasn't making its usual sounds and that the lights were off. As I investigated it further, I found a melted wire on the back. I quickly called Eddie, my brother-in-law (and fire captain.) He came over and, after inspecting the damage, informed me that we had a fire at our house today! He pulled out his flashlight and showed me the sign of flames behind the tank and up the wall. I began looking closer around the room and, for the first time, noticed a light coating of ash on the blinds and furniture! He said the wires melted and we are incredibly lucky the entire house didn't go up in flames. Can you imagine??!! We had an incredibly close call. We could have lost everything, including our babies! As it turns out Mike lost one of his pumps and his lights, but if we're lucky the corals will live.

What a day!!

As for any pregnancy symptoms, today I continued to be very thirsty and my breasts hurt a little. We had a baby shower for a girl at work today and the cake did not sound appealing to me at all. That was VERY odd, so perhaps it was a symptom too! ;-)

The weekend

Well, we made it through the weekend with no heart attacks from our parents. Mikey got a Father's Day present from the Bean, "Your Pregnancy for the Father-to-be." He's actually already started reading it. Hopefully it will help him deal with all my anxiety and moods!

Father's Day was also fun at Dad's house, with Missy and I showing off our new baby bodies in our bikinis. We had Sue take pictures of us so we can compare them to how we will look in Destin July 4 week. I can't imagine I'll post those here, so don't hold your breath!

Just about everyone at work now knows I'm pregnant. I'm not particularly close to anyone in my office, so it was actually kind of weird to tell them. But my Service Excellence co-workers (who I'm closer to anway) were thrilled for me. Tracy was especially excited. She's my director and friend that I roomed with last week in Orlando. We spent four days last week talking pregnancy and babies and we were both so caught off guard by all this! So it was extremely fun calling to tell her.

I found a site that shows pictures of other women at various weeks of pregnancy. So far, I'm looking pretty good in comparison. Let's hope I can stay that way!

Baby Bump Week 6

All in the Family

Friday night Mike and I had a celebratory dinner at Cheesecake Factory. On the way home I felt my breasts tingling. I recall reading that something like that may happen, but it was weird regardless. They also seem a little fuller, since I keep hitting them with my arms. I asked Mike to tell me when he starts noticing changes in my body, because I find it so exciting and fascinating. He commented that he thinks I have a small pooch already. I was so happy because I think so too, but believed I was probably just wanting it to be there. So that was great news.

The happiness didn't end there. When we got home my sister called me with a question, "What do I do if there are two pink lines on the stick?" I didn't really comprehend what she was asking me so I kind of sat there for a second. She waited for me to respond, but finally couldn't hold it in any longer. She yelled, "It's positive!!!" I sat there, stunned. What???!!! My sister is also pregnant?! That's incredible! And she found out just two days after me! I made her take a second test and call me back, and of course, it was positive also. We just screamed and screamed. My happiness over my own pregnancy can be complete with the addition of hers. Turns out, we are only one week apart. I hope our parents don't have heart attacks tonight!

Oh my god! Oh my god!

So I arrived home from Orlando on Wednesday night, after a long delay in the airport. After saying hi to Mike and the doggies, I informed Mike that I'd never started my period. I was pretty frustrated, because I thought I'd have to call the doctor to get yet another prescription to start the flow. We were hungry, so Mike went to the kitchen to make some dinner. I told him I was going to take a test and I'd be back in a minute.

I pulled out the remaining pregnancy stick from the box. The other one was already gone. I'd used that at about day 30, and it had been negative. I peed on the stick and busied myself with pulling up my pants. I glanced over at the stick and noticed a faint line I'd never seen there before: the makings of a plus sign. I continued staring at it, my pants still at my knees. I waited and waited for it to darken, disbelief clouding my brain. I told myself I was reading it wrong and finished pulling up my pants. But it continued to darken. I grabbed the box, thinking the second line was too faint to be an accurate result. The box informed me, "any line, no matter how faint, indicates a positive result." I jerked open the bathroom door and blindly made my way down the hallway.

As I approached the kitchen, the opened refrigerator door was blocking the entrance. I grabbed it, slammed it shut and grabbed both of Mike's arms. As I pulled him to me, I said, "It's positive! Oh my god! Oh my god!" Mike scooped me into his arms and asked, "You're pregnant?!" I said, "Yes. Oh my god! Oh my god!" to which he replied, "That's awesome!" We stood there hugging and saying "oh my god" for a few minutes, until I said, "We need another test. I don't want to get my hopes up."

Mike headed to the drug store to purchase another box of tests while I drank glasses of water. When he returned home he'd purchased the tests that actually spell out "pregnant" or "not pregnant." The second test confirmed the result so we jumped in the care and headed to Mom's house.

It was about 10:00 p.m. at this point so it was really unusual for us to stop by that late. Bruce answered the door and I made up a lame excuse about going out to dinner and just wanted to stop by. As mom walked into the hallway and asked what we were doing there, I told her I wanted to see what she thought about being a grandma. Her first question was, "You or Missy?" My sister has also been trying to get pregnant. I said, "Me!" Then we all spent the next 10 minutes hugging and laughing.

Our next stop was Mike's parents' house. It was about 10:30 p.m. when we arrived. As soon as we walked in the door he asked them, "So, do you want to be Mamaw and Papaw, or Grandmother and Grandfather?" His mom started crying and we all hugged and laughed. Needless to say, everyone was extremely happy.

I believed my dad was still out of town on a trip, so we then headed home. I called my best friend, Margo and told her the news. I also called my sister, Missy. That was a very tough call to make, because Missy has been trying to conceive for well over a year. She started taking Clomid herself last month and the result of her pregnancy test was negative. She was asleep when I called, and said she was excited for me, but I could hear the disappointment over her own situation. It made me sad for her. She did inform me that Dad was home from his trip, so I called him next. I could hear him beaming through the phone when I told him he's going to be a papaw. He told me he was proud of me and happy for us, then rubbed it in that I wouldn't be able to have any drinks in Destin!

Before going to bed that night, I took a third pregnancy test, just to be sure. It was also positive, so I went to sleep dreaming of the little baby growing inside of me.

Where for art thou, Flo?

As the approximate day range for my period approached, I was very preoccupied. We have our house up for sale, and were offered a contract. I was also studying for the GMAT, the entrance test for the Masters of Business Administration program. My best friend is getting married, and I had to make her invitations and get them in the mail. And I was also preparing for a three-day conference in Orlando. Last Friday morning I noticed a slight red tint on the toilet paper, so I figured it was time to buy the Clomid. I happily purchased it, thinking I would get to start it while at my conference. The timing of a possible pregnancy would allow me to sip cocktails on the beach in Destin July 4 week, although I would probably be aware of my pregnancy by the time of Margo's wedding shower. No drinks then, or at our August vacation to Lake Tahoe. No worries though. Definitely well worth the price of a sweet baby!

By Sunday I realized that the period I thought had started was nowhere to be found. That brief tint of red was it, although mild cramping had replaced it. In Orlando, I kept my tampons by the toilet, waiting for the elusive period to come. But it never showed. I returned home, Clomid in hand, wondering how many days I'd have to wait for my period this time. It was day 46.

Clomid

I've always had irregular periods, and figured that when the time came, getting pregnant wouldn't be easy. I went off birth control in April of 2006 and Mike and I "officially" began trying to get pregnant on our wedding night, October 6, 2006. For months I attempted to chart my ovulation, but with periods ranging from 27 days to 44 days, it wasn't easy.

After many months of trying to get pregnant, I finally had an appointment with my OB/Gyn on May 10. She was immediately concerned about my age. Apparently 34 is the new 73 in terms of pregnancy. She gave me the number of a local reproductive specialist, mentioned in-virto and donor eggs, and gave me a prescription for Clomid, a mild fertility drug that my sister is also getting ready to start. She instructed me to begin taking the Clomid after I started my next period. She drew blood and said she would call me when my lab results came back.

My doctor called me a week later and informed me that I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, and that my eggs are not growing large enough to be released and fertilized. PCOS has many other negative symptoms, but we would worry about those after my pregnancy. I was very unhappy, but tried to maintain a positive outlook. At least I'd be able to lay on the beach and drink at my two summer vacations this year!