Mia Marie Robbins

Mia was born one week ago today, weighing 7 pounds, 2 ounces. She was 19 inches long and has dark hair. She is absolutely the most amazing thing I've ever seen and Mike and I are so overcome with love for her. I will have to recap the birth experience and the past week at another time, but just wanted to get a few pictures of our little Bean online for all to see.

Just to reiterate...

Freaking the f--- out.

Spent today planning out my breastfeeding routine. Hopefully there are no problems with that and all goes according to plan (won't hold my breath). Dad and Sam came over and brought me Tracy's glider, so that's ready to go. I also did a little arts and crafts project, something "daddy-like" for Mike. I hope he likes it.

Thought Missy might have Biscuit today. She thought her water broke this morning and went to the hospital. She was having mild contractions and dilated a little more. Let's say some prayers that baby comes soon!

The Big Day

Tomorrow is the big day, and I'm scared. People keep calling, asking if I'm excited. Of course I'm excited. The biggest surprise of my life is less than 24 hours away! But the fear is kind of overtaking me right now.

What if something goes wrong? What if there are complications from the c-section? What if there is something wrong with the baby that couldn't be detected on ultrasound? What if I don't feel bonded to it right away? What if I'm a basket case by the end of the week because I haven't had enough sleep? What if Mike loves the baby more than me? What if I become invisible because all everyone cares about is the baby? What if I don't know how to make it stop crying? What if it won't breastfeed...???? I'm obviously going to have to stop doing this to myself soon because there is no way I can know the answers to those questions. But today, my last day before motherhood, it's harder to keep those fears at bay.

The part of me that is excited is also very emotional. When I think of the moment when I'll hear my baby cry for the first time, I'm so overwhelmed it makes me cry. Even in my imagination, I'm completely overcome with happiness and love for a child I don't even know. I can't wait for the moment I see its face, hear its voice, kiss its head and wrap my arms around its tiny body. How will I ever let anyone else hold my baby? I want to keep that child all to myself.

I know how quickly it will all pass. Sometimes I feel like my entire life has already gone too quickly! So I want to enjoy every moment with this baby and soak it all in. I guess I can only do my best and know that it will all work out just how God wants it to. I guess the next time I write I'll be a mommy. Wish us well!

The final weekend

We had a pretty good weekend. I worked late Friday night, since it was my last day of work. I finished up everything I needed to, so I won't feel compelled to check my BlackBerry every hour the next 12 weeks.

Saturday Mike and I had lunch at Macca's in Westport Village. Westport Village is a new retail development and the restaurant reminded me of someplace we would eat while on vacation in Florida. That's the idea, of course, and they have succeeded with it. Afterward I visited Amy in the hospital. She had gallbladder surgery, but is doing well. Then I treated myself to a pedicure and Starbucks. That evening, we went to Jennifer and Freddy's for dinner. It was a nice time.

Yesterday I finally "nested". Everyone has been asking me about it, and I felt like a defective mother since I'd not yet scrubbed my house spotless with a toothbrush. Don't get me wrong, I still didn't take it that far! But yesterday, after 7 months of living in this house, I felt driven to unpack moving boxes! I was like a mad woman, unpacking, throwing things away, rearranging closets...it was nuts! I did laundry all day too, and gathered donation items for the Goodwill. I didn't finish until about 6:30 last night. Of course I paid for it. My body hurt so badly last night! But I do feel a sense of relief that at least all our rooms upstairs are in order. Today I will do the actual dusting and cleaning of bathrooms and floors. After all, tomorrow is our big day!

5 Days to Delivery

The swelling is in full swing. It took an incredible effort to get my wedding ring off my sausage fingers this morning and now, 6 hours later, I still have a mark there. My feet are swollen also. I'm so uncomfortable, I've cried twice today. Once was when I asked my boss if I could go home and take off my clothes and work from home this afternoon. She graciously said yes. Tomorrow is my last day of work, thank goodness. Only 5 more days until we meet the Bean!

Don't watch the Tonight Show before falling asleep...

I had one of those odd pregnancy dreams last night. Mike and I brought the baby home, and up until that point no one had allowed us to know the sex. We were so excited to finally learn whether Bean was a boy or a girl. So we layed the baby on the couch and began opening the blanket for the "big reveal". As we pulled back the blanket from around his neck, I noticed Bean was wearing a huge gold chain with an enormous locket on it that said "Jonathan". Bean was a boy, but he had already been named? On the front of the locket was also the profile of a man with a huge Jay Leno chin. I opened the locket and there were additional pictures of a woman (also with a Jay Leno chin) and an older man and a woman (Jay Leno chins). I looked back up at our baby and noticed that he, too, had a Jay Leno chin! As Mike and I continued to open the blanket, we found a letter laying on "Jonathan"'s belly. The letter informed us that our new baby was adopted and that his "real" family wanted us to know where he came from! Inside it were all kinds of photos of the "Leno" family, chins prominently displayed. I looked at Mike in confusion, clearly remembering the 9 months I carried this child. How could he be adopted? Mike just said maybe we were wrong, that I wasn't really pregnant all that time. I was adamant that I'd had a baby inside me. I'd felt it! But Mike said there was nothing we could do about it now, and we needed to focus on our biggest concern: what were we going to do about our baby's chin??

38 Week OB Visit

Here is the email I sent to my parents, Mike, Missy, Margo and Amy yesterday regarding my OB visit. I was not in the best of moods:

I thought it best for me to just email you all, as I have surpassed cranky mode today and gone straight to bitchy. My body is very achy, my feet look like muffins spilling out of my shoes, I have severe constipation causing stabbing pains in my stomach and I have been awake since 3:00 a.m. trying to breathe.

The ultrasound went well. Bean is doing just fine, except he's still breech. Now his head is centered at the top of my abdomen, facing my back. His body comes straight down and he's still sitting on his butt. During the ultrasound he'd occasionally move his head to face my left side and his back would come around to my right side. Mike and I have been trying to figure out what he was doing, so now we know!

Even though there were only like 5 people in the whole office, I had to wait 45 minutes in my paper drape for the doctor. I finally got up off the table, opened the door (in just the paper) and walked into the hall. The doctor was standing right there and I just gave her that Wilson look and asked her when she thought she might be able to see me. Of course she came right in then. She basically told me there was no change in dilation, but that I could go anytime now. She told me to cancel my appointment next Monday and the next time I'd see them will be at the c-section on Tuesday. So we're all set.

Update

• Last Friday was Girls Night. We chowed on pizza, cheese dip and brownie sundaes. Have I told you how much I love Margo?
• Kim gave me a foot massage in the hopes of getting Bean to make "his" grand appearance. Obviously it didn't work, but have I told you how much I love Kim?
• Saturday morning I awoke with lots of energy and did laundry and cleaned. Then at 11:00 a.m. I took a nap.
• We watched the UK game Saturday afternoon. Then I took another nap.
• Sunday Mike and I shopped for last minute Bean items. We got a sleep positioner, a boy and a girl sleeper for the first photo, and some diaper bag accessories.
• We went to Mike's parents' for lunch and his mom gave us a bazillion Target gift cards she'd received as Christmas gifts from the kids at school. She told us to go get a new changing table.
• Mike scoured 3 Targets for changing tables and all were out. He was VERY frustrated afterward. We ended up just ordering it online.
• Mike stopped by Babies R Us and picked up a little matching lamp and waste basket for Bean's room. How cute!
• Yesterday we had lots of snow and ice, so we didn't do anything after work.
• I awoke this morning at 3:00 a.m., not breathing so well. I took my inhaler, but it didn't help much. I think it's Bean's position impeding my breathing more than anything else. I didn't go back to sleep.
• I'm now at work, awaiting my 38 week check-up this afternoon. I'll find out whether Bean has moved to a head-down position or not. At this point I've prepared myself for a c-section to be performed one week from today. I think I will be freaked out if they tell me something different will occur.

Tired

I am so very tired. I have not slept much the past three nights. Monday night Reese couldn’t sleep, so she kept waking me up, walking around and trying to get comfortable. Tuesday night we had another round of storms, so we were up until about 1:00 a.m. making sure the house didn’t blow away. We went downstairs at about midnight and tried to sleep down there for awhile, but it just didn’t happen for me.

Last night Bean decided to try and turn again. “He” was making very good progress during the UK game, and at one point his head was down below my belly button. I went to sleep not really sure how he was positioned. At about 3:00 this morning he woke me up, kicking and stretching his way down. It was so painful I could hardly breathe. I kept trying to talk to him, telling him that if he was going to all that trouble, he could at least break my water so we could get this show on the road. It would benefit us both. So he kept trying for the next 2 ½ hours, non-stop. He got himself positioned sideways and stayed like that for awhile, allowing me to doze for about an hour. But by the time I got up for work he was back in his original head-under-the-rib position. Mission failed.

37 Week Appointment

Amy went with me to the ultrasound yesterday and the Bean really couldn’t do much for us. Not much room left to move around. We did get a great shot of the nose and mouth, and I kept trying to figure out who it reminded me of. Then it struck me – that’s the nose and mouth of Aunt Miss! The expression reminded me of Missy’s newborn picture and I got so excited. Now, if it’s a boy, he may not be too happy to hear how he looked like Aunt Miss as a baby, but so what? I love the comparison!

Mike and I got to see Dr. Paul at the visit. She will be performing the c-section. We had a long discussion about the c-section, but also about a version, if we choose to do one. She gave us a ton of information on the process and how she does it. She uses an epidural, and does it right before the scheduled c-section. She will try once or twice and if nothing happens, will go right to the c-section. On the other hand, if it works, she will immediately induce me so the baby won’t have a chance to turn back. Either way, I’ll have a baby that day. It gave us a different perspective on the procedure and something to think about. Of course if we go next week and the amniotic fluid is lower, or if the baby has turned, it will be a moot point.

Otherwise, I made no new progress, except in my weight gain. I’m still 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced, but I’ve now gained 26 pounds. Next Friday is my last day of work. I can’t believe how close it’s getting!!!

Time flies when you're having "fun"

Work has been really stressful this past week. I have a lot of projects I'm trying to wrap up, and things aren't going as smoothly as I'd like. I've been very focused on that, so the week went by extremely fast.

I finally took Missy's advice and tried sleeping on the couch. Why the hell I didn't do that sooner, I'll never know, but it's made all the difference. I have slept wonderfully since last Tuesday night. My body aches less, I'm not as cranky and it definitley made dealing with my work situation much easier. It's also made it much easier to deal with the fact that my due date is still a couple weeks away. Before, I was very upset thinking I'd be so sleepy and miserable for that much longer, but now it just doesn't seem so bad!

Nothing new going on regarding the baby, except that it feels so huge in there. My allergies and asthma have been acting up this week and I've had to use my inhaler quite a few times. I hope it hasn't affected my amniotic fluid, but that's why I'm getting weekly ultrasounds, to make sure everything is okay.

My car has been in the shop since Wednesday. Lots of problems with the tires, tire rod, bearings, etc. The damage is currently estimated at about $700. We've had some unexpected major expense hit us every month for about the past 5 months, this at least being the most minor. Can't wait to get those hospital bills next month!

My stepsister, Tracy, is having back surgery tomorrow. She has disk problems and nerve damage. Please say a prayer for her that all goes well and she has a quick recovery. Also, my aunt Cathy had a heart attack yesterday. Please keep her in your prayers as well. Hopefully Missy and I don't go into labor for at least another week so that Dad and Sue don't go insane.

Really not too much else going on. I haven't decided if I'll do anything for Superbowl or not. We cleaned really well this morning and that took quite a bit of energy. I may just read a book instead!