The Big Day

Tomorrow is the big day, and I'm scared. People keep calling, asking if I'm excited. Of course I'm excited. The biggest surprise of my life is less than 24 hours away! But the fear is kind of overtaking me right now.

What if something goes wrong? What if there are complications from the c-section? What if there is something wrong with the baby that couldn't be detected on ultrasound? What if I don't feel bonded to it right away? What if I'm a basket case by the end of the week because I haven't had enough sleep? What if Mike loves the baby more than me? What if I become invisible because all everyone cares about is the baby? What if I don't know how to make it stop crying? What if it won't breastfeed...???? I'm obviously going to have to stop doing this to myself soon because there is no way I can know the answers to those questions. But today, my last day before motherhood, it's harder to keep those fears at bay.

The part of me that is excited is also very emotional. When I think of the moment when I'll hear my baby cry for the first time, I'm so overwhelmed it makes me cry. Even in my imagination, I'm completely overcome with happiness and love for a child I don't even know. I can't wait for the moment I see its face, hear its voice, kiss its head and wrap my arms around its tiny body. How will I ever let anyone else hold my baby? I want to keep that child all to myself.

I know how quickly it will all pass. Sometimes I feel like my entire life has already gone too quickly! So I want to enjoy every moment with this baby and soak it all in. I guess I can only do my best and know that it will all work out just how God wants it to. I guess the next time I write I'll be a mommy. Wish us well!