It's a GIRL!!!

I can't believe I have made it to 20 weeks. It's very surreal, a dream come true. I have had great difficulty with this pregnancy, wanting it so much, but not believing it would really happen for us. I have been so scared to hope, and it caused me to feel somewhat disconnected to this baby. I kept anticipating the day when I would feel it kick me, because that would offer me reassurance that the little one was okay, and perhaps I would feel a greater bond between us. But that reassurance hasn't come.

Over the last few weeks I have gotten more and more anxious waiting to feel those kicks. I began feeling Mia on a regular basis sometime in my 16th week. At almost 19 weeks I was still not feeling this little one. I finally succumbed to my panic and called the doctor for a same day appointment. They have been so supportive of me, completely understanding my concerns and fears, and told me to come right in. The doctor had to search for the baby's heartbeat and I nearly fainted in fear when those first several attempts yielded no fetal sounds. But then I heard it, loud and strong, and I just sobbed with happiness.

After that, I spoke with Mike about finding out the sex of this baby. With Mia, I was so confident at this point, and everything seemed so fun and lighthearted. With this baby, I am terrified of losing it. I feel like I've been trying to protect my heart, but in doing so, have missed out on all the bonding I had with Mia. I told him I thought finding out the sex would allow me to experience something with this child I didn't have with Mia, and we could talk to it using a name, have a room planned especially decorated for it, etc. Mike agreed, of course, so last week we went to our ultrasound appointment very excited.

The first things they did were to check its anatomy, heart rate and size. Everything looked perfect. The heart rate was 140 and the baby was 12 ounces. One of my fears has been that my age would cause some birth or genetic defects, but there were no indications of that. The baby was moving all over the place, just as Mia had always done. I thought it was odd that I did not feel any of those movements as I lay there, three weeks further along than when I felt Mia so regularly. I soon learned that I have an anterior placenta, meaning the placenta is in the front, not in the back as they usually are. This is no risk to me or the baby, and they usually move later in the pregnancy. But this cushion explains why I don't feel the baby very much.

At the end of the ultrasound, the tech gave us the photo we'd been waiting for. She stopped the frame and gave us a view as if the baby were sitting on glass. Having researched ultrasound photos in preparation for the visit, I could tell immediately that we had ourselves a baby girl!!! I was so excited, and Mike and I just held hands. I had been crying pretty much from the moment I saw her moving, but the tears continued with this news. I would have been very happy to have a little boy, but now Mia will get the happiness of having a sister, just like I have.

Finding out the sex had just the effect I had hoped. I felt an immediate connection to her, now that she has a little identity. Mike and I started discussing names that night, something we had been reluctant to do before that day. I also started looking at nursery bedding and we've talked about how to decorate for her. Of course Mia is thrilled! That first night when we told her she was disappointed, but that was our fault. She had been talking so much about wanting a sister that we'd intentionally started talking up a brother, just in case. When I first told her it was a sister she said, "I do NOT want a sister, I want a brother. You need to call the doctor and tell her to take it back and give me a brother!" But the next morning when I took her to school she ran up to the first friend she saw and excitedly exclaimed that her mommy had a baby sister in her belly! Now she kisses my belly several times each day and talks about her baby sister all the time.

Over the past several days I have started to feel much more movement. It's still in the form of little kicks, and it's not all over, only low and to the left side. But it's very reassuring, all the same. We are so excited to meet our little girl. What a blessing she is to us already.

14 Weeks Pregnant

I'm 14 weeks pregnant today. It's still amazing to us that I've made it to the second trimester. It seems surreal, and I can't quite believe that we're moving successfully toward parenting another child. Of course we're more cautious this time around. We haven't discussed baby names. We haven't really started prepping anything for the baby room. We are still even cautious about saying things like "when the baby comes" or making plans for next spring and summer. We're so scared to be confident. But all appears well.

I had an OB appointment last week. All we did was listen to the heartbeat, but it was great. Of course it induced tears. The baby was all over the place, but when "he" was still, the heartrate was 140. Amazing. I won't go back again for another 6 weeks. At that point, we can determine the sex if we wish. I really don't want to though. I feel like the excitement and anticipation of the surprise helped get me through the rough times with Mia and I can imagine that being the same with this child. If I take away the excitement of that surprise, the main thing I will ancitipate is the pain of that day. I think it will be better if I don't know.

Mia has been much more clingy than usual the past few weeks. She will not go anywhere alone. She wants Mike or I right beside her when we're home. I suppose it has something to do with the baby, but I can't be certain. She's usually not whiny about it, just matter of fact and happily following us everywhere. Like she sits in my lap while I put on my makeup. She has her arms wrapped around my legs while I do my hair or brush my teeth. I trip over her constantly. As much as I love her, it's starting to try my patience, and that's saying a lot. For some reason, I've always had much more patience than usual with Mia. I've always been very aware of how she responds to me and how easily I can hurt her feelings. So I am able to hold my tongue and keep my emotions in check with her more so than most people. But this is about to do me in. I have no privacy and not even a moment to myself when Mike isn't here. And Mike is gone a lot. We'll get through it, I'm sure. I just hope I start feeling better soon before I completely lose it.

13 Weeks Pregnant

I will be 13 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I'm still in disbelief as I type this. I can't believe this little one has survived and Mike and I still cry tears of amazement, joy and relief every time we have an ultrasound.

Last week I had my "old lady" testing, to check the thickness of the baby's neck for signs of Downs' Syndrome. All looked well on that front. We also got to watch the baby lounge around. What a contrast to Mia's u/s at that time. This baby was sleeping when we started, so we had to wake him up. His heart rate was only 154 and it freaked me out (it was 185 last time), but the tech assured me it was because he was sleeping. He kept trying to move away, get comfy and go back to sleep. At Mia's 12 week exam, she was jumping around and playing the whole time. I said this one must be a lazy boy. ;-)

This week I have finally admitted I am more sick with this pregnancy than I was with Mia. I've been in denial a bit on that front. I've missed a tremendous amount of work this time. I've almost had car accidents due to vomiting while driving. With Mia I was more lethargic, especially at night. This time I'm not as tired, but I'm definitely more sick. I'm taking Zofran, as I did with Mia, so I'm not vomiting too much. Instead, I'm gagging and dry heaving all the time. Sometimes it's all day. I applied for intermittent FMLA this week, because it seems to be getting worse, not better.

I've gained a ton of weight already. It varies day to day, somewhat drastically, depending on whether or not I've gone to the bathroom. One day last week I weighed myself and I was up 8 pounds since conception. A few days later it was 18 pounds. As with Mia, I'm very constipated. I'm also eating mostly carbs, as they seem to fight off the nausea the most. Unfortunately, I have to eat almost constantly, so I'm really packing on the pounds, and I'm not exercising since I feel so sick. I hope once this passes I'll be more active and go back to a healthier diet.

Mia is so incredibly excited about this baby. She kisses my belly all day, talks about what we'll do when the baby comes, "I will hold the baby, but I WILL NOT change its diaper!" I think Santa may bring her an American Girl baby doll for Christmas so she can practice, and have a baby of her own to care for while Mommy and Daddy care for Trucky. Yes, Cara has named our new baby Trucky. Mia doesn't like it, probably because Cara came up with it, but it's funny. Mia likes Angela, Natalie and Ash-a-ley, her favorite girl names. For a boy she likes Liam and Rome (coincidentally, the same names as her friends at school).

8 weeks pregnant

Some of my pregnancy symptoms are different this time around. For example, I have a strong aversion to some of my favorite foods, particularly bleu cheese and potato salad. Also, my sense of smell is very acute, and can trigger nausea if my nose deems the scent offensive. Unfortunately, some of the biggest offenders are Mike's deodorant and cologne, and hairspray. The dogs also smell terribly to me, but they actually may truly just need baths.

Just as with Mia, I have extreme constipation. I think that accounts for a large part of the reason my belly is as big as it is at this early stage. It's difficult keeping the pregnancy from Mia, as she is so aware of me and the changes in my body and lifestyle due to fatigue. She told me she thinks the reason my belly is so big is because I've had too much water to drink. She said sometimes when you drink too much water, it makes your belly stick out and makes you sick. I told her she was probably right.

The Most Amazing Girl in the World

Yep, that's how I feel about my Mia. She is so funny, smart, personable, outgoing, kind and thoughtful. I love to just sit and watch her, as I am so in awe of her. I love how her mind works, I love her creativity and silliness. I'm so blessed to be her mommy.

• Mia started pre-K two weeks ago. This has been the smoothest transition we've ever had. She loves her teachers, Ms. Rose and Ms. Amber, and tells us they love her too. She has already been "class leader" and loved being in charge!
• She started cheerleading last week. It's a beginner class that's more basic tumbling than anything, but she also told me after her first class that she "loved" that as well. She's definitely not intimidated by new environments or new children, something that I'm sure stems from her time in daycare. Although I have hated not being able to stay at home with her, I sure have enjoyed seeing her thrive in the eduational and social environment at her school.
• Mia has a "boyfriend". His name is Rome. On the playground they pretend to be Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber. She told me she is "sooo in love with him!!!" and one day she's going to marry him and kiss him and hug him.
• Barbies are her biggest pasttime. She can sit for hours playing with her dolls (just like her mommy did!). The last time we counted them all, she had over 30 here, but we've also shipped some off to her grandparents' houses as well.
• Mia took swim lessons all summer and did really great! It's something she not only enjoys but does well, so we will definitely continue to encourage that.
• She loves Scooby Doo. We watch an episode each night before bed.
• She holds my hand at night while she sleeps. The most wonderful thing in the world.

3 Great Ultrasounds in a Row

Today we got the third straight positive ultrasound in a row. The last time that happened, we were pregnant with Miss Mia. After 9 miscarriages, it's hard to be excited, but we are far more hopeful than we've ever been. Jesusa (our "miracle child") measured 7 weeks, 5 days and had a heart rate of 170. I consistently feel horrible, nauseated and constipated, for all of which I am very grateful. It's reassuring since I had all that with Mia as well. We will keep praying that all goes well, but I feel very blessed.

4th Birthday Photos