32 Weeks Update

• We went to Mom's last Sunday to celebrate Christmas with her family. Soon after we arrived, Mom received a call that her brother, my uncle Jimmy, had suffered an aneurysm and was brain dead. After two days of trying to determine which of his organs could be donated, he officially died on Christmas day. Upon hearing the news that her son could die, Grandma Sarah commented that St. Thomas More was having a chicken dinner that night. Another indication that she is no longer herself and is suffering the effects of Alzheimer's. It may be a blessing though. I can't imagine how painful it would be to have your child die.


• Christmas otherwise was wonderful. We were spoiled by our families and enjoyed the time we were able to spend with everyone this last year before children. I received hundreds of dollars worth of spa gift certificates. I nearly cried when I got them. My body is so sore and I am feeling so anxious that a massage is exactly what I need right now. In fact, I went to the spa the day after Christmas and let them pamper me. It was awesome!


• Not feeling very attractive these days. Mike and I have taken to calling my breasts "chimp titties" because they just seem to hang on my belly, like those of a monkey. Fabulous!


• Very emotional these days also. I cry because I don't like how I look. I cry because my back hurts. I cry because I can't wait to look into my baby's eyes and hold him/her for the first time. I cry thinking about how much I love Mike and how blessed I am to be carrying his child. I cry when the baby moves because I remember those early days when I thought we'd lost this child. I cry because one day will come - sooner than I'd like - when my baby will be too big for me to hold. I cry because I remember the love and comfort that I felt as a little girl when mom and dad held me, and I miss it very much.


• I got very emotional when it came time for Missy to leave. It may be the last time I see her before we're mommies. It's really bothering me that I will not be able to be with her when little Biscuit arrives and I hate that she will not be here to greet Bean. I've loved that we're pregnant together and that we can share our emotions and stories with one another, but I will really miss being able to physically share our joy at the moments of birth. I know we'll get together very soon afterward, but I wish she were still here, living across the street from me. Okay, I'm crying again, so I better move on!


• I packed my hospital bag yesterday, did baby laundry and purchased the crib mattress. We've selected our pediatrician, created a call list for when the baby's born, and have been practicing diaper changing with Daddy.


• I've had a few kicks in the ribs this past week. The baby has also shifted so that I feel him equally on the right and left sides. It's very odd. He's more in the middle of my belly, causing unusual consequences. It's much more difficult to shave properly, I have to pee all the time, and it's causing swelling in a very uncomfortable location.


• I will turn 35 this week. An "advanced age" mother is what they call me. If I were to deliver today, I'd simply be a mother.


• I've gained a total of 21 pounds so far. These past two weeks my diet has consisted of sugar and grease, so I anticipate a surge in fat just in time for my OB appointment next week.

My Grandmas

Grandma Sarah is back in the hospital. It looks like she will be unable to live on her own from now on. She has early to middle stages of Alzheimer's and is struggling with swallowing and anxiety. The family is really having a hard time with this since it all came on so suddenly, so please keep them in your prayers.

In honor of Grandma Ruby who passed away in September, we'll have the traditional Christmas dinner she used to serve. We will all make one of her "famous" dishes. I will be recreating her Christmas fudge. Very appropriate since I think I used to be the one to eat most of it!

Girl Time

Saturday was our annual girls Christmas brunch at Lynn's Paradise C@fe. Since December is always so busy, we skip our Friday night get-together this month and do the brunch instead. We do a white elephant gift exchange, munch on Lynn's yummy food and catch up. This year a few of us also went to the theater afterward. Melissa had some free tickets so we watched the show, then headed to St@rbucks to talk some more afterward. It was a great time, even though we missed Missy, Cindy and Kim. I'm always so grateful to have this wonderful group of women in my life. I can't believe we've been friends for over 20 years now!

Fun with the Bean

Mike and I have had some fun with the Bean this past week. He's getting so big that I don't really feel many kicks or punches, but instead feel a lot of rolls. Mike likes to lay with his head on my belly and listen to the sloshing. It's funny when the Bean moves so much that his head bounces up and down! Another trick we heard about is to take a flashlight and shine it on my belly. The Bean's eyes are now open and can distinguish light from dark. We put the flashlight up to my belly and the Bean bumps it! The Bean is now moving a lot more during the day, and even some at night. Sleep is getting a little more uncomfortable and Mike often sleeps on the couch so I can pile a bunch of pillows around me on the bed. Plus this allows him to stay up later playing Playstation 3!

We got the baby crib last week and Mike put it together. I love it! It's very simple but just what I was looking for. I'm not really crazy about the changing table that goes with it so I'm going to look around to see if I can find something else to use before I get that one.

"Advice"

Why is it that the moment you get married, all anyone wants to talk about is when you'll have children? They tell you what great parents you'll be, what a blessing children are, how fulfilling life is when you're a parent, etc. Then, when you're 10 weeks away from actually delivering this precious blessing, these same people laugh at you like you're an idiot, telling you how you're life is over, that you'll never be able to do what you want again, how ungrateful kids are, and how ruined your body will be after the pregnancy is over? I cannot believe how many people think now is the perfect time to bring up all the horrors of parenthood! It is truly amazing to me how inconsiderate people can be. I guess they forget all the anxiety that comes with becoming a first time parent without their "generous" advice. I guess they think we're blind and haven't watched them struggle with parenthood themselves. I suppose they think they've done such a fabulous job of glamorizing their own lives that they're letting us in on some big secret. Guess what? We've been on to them for awhile now! Mike and I were well aware of the pros and cons that come with having children long before we got pregnant ourselves. We have watched our friends live the not-so-glamorous life, but chose this path for ourselves anyway because we believe the blessings will outweigh any negatives that come along. I don't know what these people are thinking, but if they don't back off, this moody, pregnant woman will have no trouble telling them what they can do with all their f-ing advice!

Update

• Grandma Sarah was in the hospital last week with pneumonia. I didn't go see her until Friday since I'd been sick. I didn't want to give her the stomach stuff also. When I did visit on Friday, she was released. She stayed the weekend at Mom's house.
• Yesterday my vomiting and other stomach-related issues were back. I was in bed most of the day.
• Today I've been very emotional. I've been worrying that I won't love the baby enough, or that my life will only consist of changing diapers, feeding a child, or cleaning once the baby comes. I'm afraid of losing myself - and my marriage - by becoming a mother. What if I'm so tired I'm no longer fun? What if Mike and I become so focused on the baby we forget about each other? I know people do this everyday and manage to be okay, so I'm sure it will be fine. But today I have struggled with those little doubting thoughts.
• I finally ordered a crib. After speaking to numerous mothers, I decided to go with something less elaborate and more functional. I'd been trying to decide whether to get one of those cool convertible cribs that the child could potentially use into its teen years, or just one that I can use for a couple babies and be done with. The moms were nearly unanimous in saying to just get something good enough for now, that I'd want to get something girly or boyish later on anyway. So I got a very basic crib that should be delivered in a week or so. Hopefully I'll like it once I see it in the room.
• My asthma was also acting up this week. I called the OB and she said that starting in January they will want to see me every week for an ultrasound and appointment. They'll need to make sure the baby is getting enough oxygen.
• Mike and I skipped our prenatal class last week. The instructor sucks and we have left early twice because she drives us crazy. This past week was about basic childcare (bathing, diapering, etc.) and I reasoned there are plenty of people who figured these things out without ever attending a class, so we'll manage. This week's class will be about nursing, and I'm trying to decide whether to go to this one, or just go to the one offered by my OB. I'll probably opt for the OB.

Mom and her babies

A picture of me, Mom and Missy from the final event of Showerpalooza.