Wow...

I realized on Tuesday that it has been awhile since I've had my period. Since Mike and I only had unprotected sex one day last month, and we counted and timed and tracked my periods trying to get pregnant with Mia and it still took 9 months, I figured the odds were pretty slim. Nonetheless I stopped by the store on my way home from work yesterday and bought a pregnancy test kit. When I got home I went straight to the bathroom and peed on the stick. As soon as I did a numbness washed over me. My lips started tingling and I just sat there staring at the stick. I knew what it was going to say. I sat there watching the little hourglass in the window until it confirmed what I suddenly knew was true - I'm pregnant. I had the same blindness I had when I saw it with Mia, and I made my way to the kitchen and downed three glasses of water. I went back and took the other test, which again displayed Pregnant. I was in shock.

I then began a series of phone calls to Mike, trying to figure out when he would be home from work. They were filming a reality TV show at the store so he didn't answer. I called over and over and finally gave up. I called Margo instead. My emotions were all over the place. Although we definitely wanted another baby, who plans to go through this again just five months after doing it the first time? She calmed me down and reminded me of the joy of the situation. 

Mike finally got home a couple hours later. He was playing with Mia and I told him I had something to show him. I brought out a bag of things I'd purchased at the hospital gift shop for Mia. First I pulled out a UK bib, then some UK lacy baby socks, then a UK burp cloth that says "I spit blue". As he was saying how cute those things were I reached in and pulled out the pregnancy test stick. I held it up in front of him, and he just looked at it. He paused, staring at it and asked what it was. I told him to read it - it clearly says "Pregnant." His eyes got wide and he asked, "You're pregnant?" and I said yes. We just kind of sat there for a minute. I could see the shock on his face, and it fueled the shock still in me. We started to talk about it, the shock of it all, the fear, the uncertainty. We both shed a couple tears, overwhelmed with the responsibility of having two infants so close in age and all that comes along with that.

After we regrouped, we decided to go tell our parents. When we arrived at each house, we wrote notes on little pieces of paper and put them in Mia's hand. Each one said, "I'm going to be a big sister. Love, Mia". Our parents were all extremely surprised, but also very happy. It helped ease some of our anxiety. 

By the time we got home Mike and I were talking about feeling some excitement at having another baby. Unfortunately, today the anxiety has crept in again. It makes us sad, because we know without a doubt that we want another child, and we know we will love this baby with all our heart and soul. We are just afraid of the timing, what it will mean for us financially, how we will be able to give each baby the proper love and attention they need, if the baby will be okay since it has only been a little while since my body did this the last time, and if I will be okay since my body hasn't had much time to heal. I know we will deal with all that and we will be incredibly happy. But these first 27 hours have been quite a shock.