Who's that girl with the hot young eggs? It's me, it's me!

I had a saline ultrasound on Monday to search for any irregularities in my uterus. All looked well. He also checked my eggs and my ovaries, which were slightly polycystic but nothing to worry too much about. As he was looking at my eggs he asked how old I am. I replied that I will be 37 in less than two weeks. He said, “Your eggs don’t look 37. They look much younger,” to which I replied, “Like the rest of me?” Ha! He said they are in different stages of growth, and perhaps they are ovulating irregularly, which could cause the miscarriages. If so, that would be corrected with the ovulation stimulation. He is still waiting on blood work testing our chromosomes and any blood clotting issues, but he thinks those will come back okay. He basically said he thinks I’m a great candidate for the ovulation stimulation, coupled with strong progesterone support and possibly aspirin to help with blood clotting. He said we can start as soon as possible.

I told him I’m not really ready to start just yet. The past week or so I have found myself really sad and grieving for those three lost babies. I don’t know that I ever really have gone through the grief process for them. I’ve just focused on the beautiful, happy, healthy baby I already have and have felt like I’m blessed to have her so I shouldn’t dwell on the losses. But I’m still sad and I’m finding I need to go through the grief process despite my best efforts to avoid it. The doctor said that waiting will have no impact, because everything looks young and healthy. So we’ll wait until I’m ready.

We did discuss the possibility of multiples, which totally freaks me out. He said he rarely sees quads or more, but does see his fair share of triplets. I asked him to quantify “fair share” and what that would mean in terms of my possibilities, and he said that given my history and age it would probably be very slight, but that twins is very possible. Now that he knows my fear of multiples, he will administer the medication differently though. He will do a lower dosage over a longer time period, carefully monitoring the eggs to make sure we only get three good ones. Then we will attempt to fertilize those three. With my history of miscarriage he thinks it likely that I will lose at least one, so hopefully at least one more will have been fertilized. But there is still a chance that two, or even three, will have been. Good lord! If any of those double on their own, I will need to be committed to a mental institution.